Ella

I was so scared but it was right and I know deep in my heart now.

2014 New Zealand

resolved relieved angry happy sure afraid

While I was pregnant I felt a great deal of things but, because of the length of the process and being so sure when it happened, I knew I'd made the right decision. Right now it's one week on and things have been a bit up and down but on the whole I am feeling relieved, and happy to make these decisions later on in life.

with medicines by myself

I choose a medically induced abortion. I wanted to do this because it was at home where it was private and I felt safe. The most frightening time was putting the pills in. I had to do that myself and I was shaking so much I didn't think I could. I did it though and I knew there was no going back. The contractions got progressively more painful and I started bleeding almost straight away. I locked myself in the bathroom as I neared the time I was going to pass the pregnancy. This was stupid in retrospect but all I could think about was the shame. Unfortunately I had a reaction to the painkiller meds or something like that and had to call my partner in because I was having blurred vision and thought I was going to hemorrhage. My partner called the hospital while this was happening but everything was going to be okay. I didn't realise with all the pain and dizzying effects of the reaction when I passed the pregnancy. I had wanted to bury its remains, but I just didn't know when it happened. Eventually I realised the contractions were decreasing but I was too exhausted to tell my partner. I would lie on my knees to rest on the relief sides of the contractions until the pain started again. Eventually I got up enough energy to tell my partner I was okay, and to move to the bed. I was so exhausted afterwards. I slept for a few hours. I was most suprised by feelings of immediate relief, and *knowing* straight away I wasn't pregnant anymore.

financial issues my education my age (too young or old) problems with my relationship my personal reasons for not wanting a child mental health reasons

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

Yes, even though it was legal I had to go through many appointments and referrals. Every time I had to explain and defend my reasons for wanting this. It was hard but it could have been so much worse. I was so relieved that the hospital and clinic were so supportive, kind, and understanding. I couldn't help thinking how much worse it could have been for me.

How did other people react to your abortion?

I only told my mum and my current partner and I was four weeks in before I told anyone. I was scared to tell them at all I just thought I could do it all myself. But their reactions were beautiful and so unexpected. They treated me with so much love and were towers of strength throughout the entire process.

legal

no religion