Ianne

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A cry of freedom for all women who are dictated by the mentality of the norms on making decisions towards their own bodies.

2013 Philippines

Deciding to have an abortion is a very personal decision, and should not be something to be decided for you by your family, or friends. It's not something you have to consider lightly, but should think more than once before undergoing. Remember, it's a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life, and unless you have already made your peace with yourself for that part, then I would suggest you think about it some more. I used to be against abortion because I was so sure there's still something else you can do about it besides terminating the pregnancy. However, I would say that I was so wrong in that kind of thinking; once you're in a situation that you don't have any other options other than terminating the pregnancy, then you will begin to understand how other women felt during that time in their lives; you will see others differently for making that decision.

Before I underwent the medical abortion, I have been reading through all the experiences other women have had using the medicine the organization has sent. Most of the testimonies I've read tell of how painful the process was, and such, and so I braced myself for the worse. What I didn't expect that my experience was not anything they have said. Given that I was already beyond 9 weeks pregnant by the time I received and took the medicines, I was already expecting that the pain would be so excruciatingly unbearable. However, it wasn't. What I did experience though was the tingling sensation on my palms and soles of the feet as if they were pricked by pins and needles, the same sensation you get when you put your hand under a considerably cold running water. A few hours after taking the first dose of Misoprostol, I was wracked with chills that even shook my bed. Then afterwards, I bleed. I can feel the clumps of blood passing through me, but there was no abdominal pain or anything; just a mild dull ache on my lower back. A few days after, I felt my breast swell and become tender, as if I'm about to expel milk. I was advised not to try and expel any milk so as not to encourage its production. I continued to bleed well until the first week of January 2014. The bleeding was not severe; it's just like those during my normal period. I haven't had my period yet, but I'm hoping it will finally come by February. Overall, I can say that the experience was scary, but I trusted the medicines given to me, and I am very happy I did it.

I already have 1 kid, and I am a solo parent supporting my 3-year-old son. Having another kid, with a very questionable parentage is not something I have in mind. Also I didn't want my kids to go through horror during their lives all because of a mistake I made. However, had it been any other circumstances that the kid was conceived, I would have still decided to keep him/her.

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

Never did affect me nor did it change my decision to go through with it. If anything else, I felt relieved, wiser, and most importantly, in fully in control of my body. Again, I feel that every woman should be free to do what she believes is best for her own interest, and not because other people tells her otherwise. Here in the Philippines, there are a lot of scammers out there who are more than willing to take your money for knock-off medicines that would only make things worse for you. I would definitely support the organization's cause for women to have a safe medical abortion.

How did other people react to your abortion?

My pregnancy was a total secret to everyone in my family, and I only told 1 friend I know I can truly trust. She was head-on against it, but then again, she still supported me despite her contradiction. People in my country are bound by laws knowing abortion is considered illegal, and the dictates of the majority, most importantly dictates of the church and religion that abortion is immoral, and an act of murder. I understand her point of view, but I've never really been a religious person, and I believe that we all are given our own free will to make our own choices towards ourselves. For me, for as long as I am aware of my decision, it's pros and cons, and no one is forcing me to do it, I'm already good with that. I've made my peace with myself regarding all the decisions I've made in my life, both good and bad. I am only accountable for myself, and whatever the outcome is I've no one to blame but myself.

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