Jane

I had 2 abortions

1989 United Kingdom

relieved angry confused stupid ashamed guilty afraid

The first abortion I was very sure it was the right thing to do and felt very relieved afterwards. However psychologically it affected me a lot. I felt dirty and cheap. I did not want to have a relationship with a man afterwards. I was angry but could not talk to anyone about how I felt and bottled it up. I became depressed and isolated. A few years later I fell pregnant from a one night stand, one of the few times I had sex afterwards. I was very drunk. I took the morning after pill the next day but it didn’t work. I couldn’t believe I was in the same place again. I decided to have an abortion again as my family said they would not support me. It was terrible and broke my heart. However I learnt so much from my heartache. I decided to shake myself out of my depression and do something. I took responsibility for my actions. It was a horrible thing to do but it was necessary. Slowly I built my life again. I bought a flat. I met a wonderful man who loved me for who I was. We married and I had a baby at the right time. She was and is the best thing that ever happened to me. I had another beautiful daughter. We are a very happy family. I sometimes think about the babies I did not have have but a know I was too young and irresponsible and I would not have been a good mother. I have made peace with them and myself. I think abortions should be avoided at all costs but women need to be able to have the choice. No man should tell them otherwise. I want young women to know that even if you feel terrible now you can still find a lot of happiness in your future. Have faith in yourself and keep trying to find the right path for you.

in a clinic or hospital with surgery

It was physically uncomfortable and there was a lot of blood afterwards

rape/incest financial issues my education my age (too young or old) problems with my relationship my personal reasons for not wanting a child

My first abortion I was in a very dysfunctional relationship. My boyfriend was a heroin addict although he hid it from me. I had finished with him when I found out I was pregnant. I was in second year at university and having a child at 19 was not in my plans. My second abortion was from a one night stand where I was basically raped as I was out of control drunk. I couldn’t face bringing a baby into the world like that.

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

I was lucky to live in a country that offers legal free abortions.

How did other people react to your abortion?

I didn’t tell many people. My best friends. They were shocked and didnt really know how to react

legal

no religion