It was the right decision, and it is my choice.
2020 Sri Lanka
I feel sad because I got only delayed 24hours to take the emergency birth control pills. And it didn't work. I feel guilty because deep down I want to have a family. I love the idea of having my kids. I was ashamed that I live in a society where people think bad when u marry a guy in another religion (especially a Muslim). I was afraid that whether I will be able to find the meds on time, whether my boyfriend gets caught by police for breaking the rules. I was confident that abortion is the right decision. I was disappointed that I had to break the legal system of Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka should legalise medical abortion for anyone that falls under 10 weeks of pregnancy. I am relieved when I got to know my abortion was successful.
It was scary. Because I didn't have an actual doctor with me who gave me the correct prescription. Yes, my boyfriend did some consultation from outside doctors. But those instructions were so vague. So, we search a lot and we came up with a standard process that was suggested by women on the web. Based on that, I had to take the pill alone at my house without letting my parents know. It was challenging. I never knew the drama that takes place as soon after I get the second pill (misoprostol). It was too much pain. I remember what my boyfriend told me; "whatever happened don't throw up the medicine". So, I didn't vomit. My hands were bit itchy and swollen. I was so scared that whether I am allergic to the medicine. But it went away as soon I started to bleed. It was too much pain and blood. Thankfully I was prepared. But at the end of the night, I had to make sure I eat something so I will not faint. Within a couple of days, the pregnancy symptoms went away. But I bled for two weeks. Within the third week, I took another pregnancy test and it came negative and I was revealed. I told my boyfriend and he was revealed too.
I had so many reasons for abortion: I was in love with a guy who is not in my religion. I live in a country who doesn't give respect to a child who doesn't have married parents. As a woman, I was not strong enough to go through all the shame the society might put on my family, me and my boyfriend. I was ready to give up on my life before anyone gets to know about my pregnancy. I don't think i was mentally ready to have a child without a father.
Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?
I did a medical abortion. I was almost like 5 weeks through my pregnancy and I knew the only two option I can take is surgical or medical abortion. It is illegal in Sri Lanka to do an abortion. So, it was difficult for me to find ways to go through a surgical abortion. So we thought we should try working on medical abortion. I and my boyfriend did a lot of research and some consultation from some doctors. But sadly no one volunteered to write the prescription. So, we had to fake it. I was scared about my boyfriend's life who went to find medicine. The pharmacies have asked him many questions and wasted his time. I remembered it took him almost 5 days to find meds. The shop who gave it to him didn't even want to give him an invoice and kept him inside the shop for more than 30 minutes. Moreover, it was costly. So, yes I was so scared about my boyfriend's life. What if one of the people called the police? He will be in jail. I was trying to make a better life for us. In the process, I don't need to destroy my boyfriend's life. I was just pregnant with something that is not even 3 inches long, which doesn't even qualified to call a child; which doesn't even have a heart.
How did other people react to your abortion?
I know how people will react. My parents might cry and they might hit me or throw me out of the house. Both of my parents are old and sick, the might die with sadness. The boy who I love has to leave everything behind just to be with me. The society might shame me. So, simple - I didn't tell anyone. The only person I told was my boyfriend. Because I needed help. I don't know how he did it, but he understood that we couldn't keep the baby and act calmly. Also, help me a lot. There were few of his friends who wanted to help but so scared because of the legal system. We can't blame them. But it was only me and him.
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