Angeli
I had an abortion
2008
i felt very stupid for getting pregnant in the first place, but i also felt that a woman must not be made to feel that it is her fault therefore she should suffer for this mistake for the rest of her life, thereby affecting the lives of her loved ones at the same time. i also felt that it was wrong to think that a pregnancy or a child is a cross to bear. children are always a blessing but if it is an unwanted pregnancy then i do not think it is right or fair to the child if it is brought into this world if he or she will not be loved or taken care of properly. i was very afraid to have an abortion here. before i found women on web, i risked going to jail for buying drugs from questionable sources. i almost went to a quack doctor too. i hated it that in our country, women have to go through illegal means and risk their lives to get an abortion. i hated it that women are instead encouraged to have children that they do not want or are unable to support because the catholic church thinks it is immoral to use any form of contraception. as a catholic, i felt very guilty for having an abortion but i know that it was the best thing for my baby, who just turned one year old. as a single mother, i know that if i had continued the pregnancy, i would not be able to give both my children the life that they deserve considering my financial situation. i do not think that any child of mine should suffer because of my stupidity. altogether, despite my negative feelings, i know that i did right by my son and i do feel that women all over the world should have a choice. we deserve to have the right over our own bodies and no one - not the catholic church, not even our friends and family - should tell us what to do. it should be our right to have a choice, free from persecution or death.
very satisfactory
i am a single mother and a freelance actress. my job means that i only have money when i have projects, of course, and projects are hard to come by. it is also hard for me because i do not spend as much time as i want to with my baby, who just turned one year old. so having another child at this point in time is not the most ideal for me and my baby because i do not have any savings. in the long run, it is my child who will suffer if i am not able to provide for him, and i do not want that to happen. i got pregnant with a man that i just met while attending the premiere of our film. it happened while i was in another country; the man was the son of our host family. i was very drunk and i admit that that was my fault because i was not careful but i feel that the man took advantage of his position. it is not a gentleman who has sex with a girl who is too drunk to know what is happening.
Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?
yes. i hated it that many people took advantage of my situation and took my money. they gave me fake medicines that they said would help me have a miscarriage but instead just made me sick. i hated it that, when i went to the hospital, they overcharged me for the curettage. i hated it that i was alone in this and had no help from friends and family. i hate it that i had to keep it a secret and am made to feel that i am a sinner and that i have incurred the wrath of God. i hate it that i feel guilty despite the fact that i am relieved and am able to live my life and take better care of my only child.
How did other people react to your abortion?
most of the people i confided in were not very helpful and made me feel very bad about my decision. they made me feel that i was weak for not continuing the pregnancy. people in my country think it is a blessing to have a baby - it is, but when the circumstances of the pregnancy are not so good (like rape) then i do not think it is acceptable to continue the pregnancy. a few made me feel like i have summoned the wrath of God by having an abortion and made me really hate myself and very much afraid of the future. i think that is very very unfair and judgmental.