Pippa

I had 2 abortiona in the space of a year...

was 20 nearrly 21 i hadnt had a boyfriend or sex before and i didnt know whar to expect or how too act qhen we 1st had sex he didnt have any condoms and i wasnt on anything because it waa new to me but he said it would be fine and he kept pulling out i didnt know any different i went to the doctors and got prescribed the pill to be told that i had to wait until my period which never happened my boobs seemed to get bigger and i was being sick and within 4 weeks i found out i was pregnant i was unsure what to do i have always wanted a kid though not like this and he already had a daughter.. while i was waiting to tell him i was pregnant.. he kept saying he was ill (he was actually cheating on me) and i ended up having the discussion with him over the phone he told me to get rid of it and i fealt likw i had no choice i was scared to bring it up bymyself and i have never really been able to talk to my mum and dad so i went along with it telling myself it was the right thing to do and it made sense it was hard because it was booked for the week after my 21st birthday but i didnt twl anyone apart from him and we just did it i went to hospital took the pill on the monday on the wednesday i took the other one wasnt in long that day and though it hurt it was done..

exactly a year after though i'd been taking the pill i found out i was pregnant again at the same time i found out i was pregnant he gave me the news that he had got someone else pregnant too and he wanted me to get rid of mine though couldnt force her to get rid of hers and i was really torn i'd told my family i was pregnant and i really wanted it but it was soo confusing i believed i loved him and he would leave me if i kept it something else was going on to that i really dont feel comfortable going into detail about

so i booked in for another abortion on the tuesday before my 22nd birthday i took the pill and on the thursday i went in and took the other one i was literally on the floor in pain on this one they finally gave me pain relief and the feotus came out but the placenta didnt i ended up staying in till they did an operation to remove it on the saturday bear in mind my birthday was on the friday.. all my boyfriend could talk about while i was in there was that next time he'd be in hospital was when the other girl had her kid...

I ended up telling my family i lost the baby because i fealt i couldnt tell them the truth especially after my mum and dad got soo excited mum and dad know the truth now though..

Its been 7/8 yrs and it still huts i'm trying for a baby with my new bf and everutime i have a period i get upset i'm not pregnant and evwn more upset about what i gave up i feel guilty for thinking i have always wanted to be a mum (how can i say that when i had 2 abortions) and i really dont know how to get rid of the guilt i feel any ideas??

2010 United Kingdom

grieving trapped angry confused in doubt ashamed guilty afraid sad

I was in doubt before i did it i really didnt want too my friends said i'd be relieved after and i never got that..

with medicines in a clinic or hospital with surgery

Not too bad the 1st abortion went better than the 2nd

financial issues problems with my relationship

Mainly because of my relationship he didnt want a kid and i was scared about what my family would think at the time..

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

N/A though if it was illegal wouldnt have done it

How did other people react to your abortion?

The people who knew were supportive my mum and dad were hurt when they eventually did find out thougg was a few years later.

legal

Christianity