Angela

Pregnancy and abortion - what a trip.

2014 United States

grieving comfortable disappointed irresponsible trapped selfish numb relieved confident angry confused happy in doubt stupid sure guilty afraid sad

My feelings are mixed. I feel like I'm literally riding a mood swing. There are so many different angles to view the abortion from, so I feel like it's very natural for me to be experiencing a wide range of emotions. It's a trip, for sure.

with medicines

Initially, walking into the clinic I thought I was 9-11 weeks pregnant. After the ultrasound I discovered I was 5 weeks & 4 days along. This took me by a major surprise. I was so relieved that to have the option for the medical abortion. The doctor gave me one pill of Mifeprex at the clinic. It wasn't too big, but I am TERRIBLE at swallowing pills so I ended up chewing it up and swallowing it. The doctor assured me that it was perfectly okay to do so. After dinner the same day I took my Azithromycin (antibiotic) in powder form. It tasted terrible. The next day I took Promethazine and Percocet. After a half hour, those two pills definitely kicked in and I felt great. It was now time to insert the four 200 mg Misoprostol tablets in between my cheek and gums. I thought they were going to be nasty tasting but they tasted like nothing. They dissolved within 30 minutes. At the 31st minute however- I became extremely hot and nauseous. I threw up once. I was so nervous about this because I threw up what looked like to be a LOT of pill. Immediately after throwing up the cramps kicked in, and they were INSANE for about 15 minutes. The pain killers immediately wore off and I was in terrible pain. The comfort of my partner holding me, quiet music, and heating pad calmed me down after a bit. The bleeding didn't start until 7 hours later, while I was sleeping. The bleeding was mucous-y, gross, and heavy at first but gradually tapered down to regular period like bleeding after a week. Eventually the blood just came out as brown globs, which scared me (thought I had an infection) but apparently that's just old blood coming out. 2 weeks later I had the follow up appointment and the urine tested negative for pregnancy. The ultrasound also looked clear, just showed some blood clots that still needed to pass. With all that being said, the abortion was a trip. The things females can do with their bodies is incredibly beautiful and immensely powerful. It has been 17 days since my abortion. I do not feel like the it's over and I'm not quite sure when I will feel like it has officially ended. I am still dealing with my own after effects of the situation. I didn't anticipate the nervousness and fear that would come with becoming sexually active with my partner again, but I am extremely emotional about it. We have been together for 3 years now, and I have never been so timid about our intimacy. I am not sure if it's because I'm afraid to get pregnant again, or what. I am hoping that this event in my life will fade with time.

financial issues my age (too young or old) my personal reasons for not wanting a child

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

The legality of my abortion didn't have much of an impact on my feelings. I knew that abortion was legal in my state and have always believed that it should be. What may have affected my feelings was doing so much research into the pregnancy. I really wanted to understand what my body was going through, how it was happening, and how. Pregnancy became fascinating for me. The pregnancy was unplanned, but I could not deny how interesting and amazing the coming to life/birth process was. It still amazes me how our human bodies work.

How did other people react to your abortion?

I have only told 3 friends, plus my partner. My friends were definitely supportive of my decision and have been very caring. I even found out that one of my friends had an abortion herself (which I did not know prior!) My friends are great, except I have only had one conversation about the pregnancy/abortion with them and have isolated myself since then. They have tried reaching out to me but I have remained distant. It's been 2 weeks since I took my medicine for the medical abortion. I know they still care about me and love me but I feel like I need alone time to heal. I'm really not sure what I'm doing. My partner has been an angel throughout the whole process. He has been there for me every step of the way. He is understanding and patient. Wonderful.

legal

no religion