Jess

This is something that was necessary for me but most definitely the hardest and most painful (physically and mentally) thing I've ever done.

2017 Thailand

grieving relieved ashamed guilty afraid sad

Although right now (the night of the same day of the procedure) I feel absolutely horrible and so guilty/sad/lonely, I know it is the decision I had to make. It was the most physically painful thing I've experienced but the surgery was over in 3 minutes and the worst of it over in 10 so I suppose it isn't so bad.

in a clinic or hospital with surgery

I was the only foreigner in a Thai clinic. They were very sweet but straight to the point. I was almost 9 weeks pregnant. I went in the room and put my legs in the stirrups and they performed a manual vaccuum suction abortion. The nurse kept asking me questions and tried to have conversation with me and I realized it was to distract me from the pain. I believe when the fetus and placenta were coming out is when it hurt the most. I was in so much pain I couldn't cry. All I wanted to do was scream but the nurse begged me not to as there were girls waiting right outside the door for their turn. After I was given a pad and brought back to my bed. A room where I was freezing while I was waiting at first I was now sweating and moaning in from how severe the pain was. I felt nauseous and the doctor had to come in to make sure I drank my tea as I couldn't stomach anything. After maybe 10-15 minute, the pain subsided to that of intense period cramping and I was told to go home.

my age (too young or old) my personal reasons for not wanting a child

Just not ready.

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

In Thailand it's legal but not socially accepted. I felt awkward walking into the clinic and even judged by close friends.

How did other people react to your abortion?

I only told a couple of friends. My Thai friends didn't ask questions as for Buddhists it's considered a sin and they didn't want to know much. My other 2 friends were supportive but I still did it alone.

legal

no religion