Missy

My story - at 6 weeks and 5 days

2015 Ireland

grieving relieved angry ashamed afraid sad

My husband and I have 2 children with a genetic condition. We made the decision in early 2015 not to have any more children because of the complications. My name went on a waiting list to have my tubes tied, and in the meantime I was using contraception. I was vigilant with the contraception I was using but it failed. We knew that abortion was our only option and began to look at how to go about it. We don't have any family to support us with our children so travel was out of the question. I came across women on web and went through the consultation process. It was a very emotional time for me while waiting for the tablets to arrive, we both would have loved to have another child, but the genetic complications our children have are serious and we couldn't do that to another. I stocked up on painkillers and anti sickness tablets, bought some maternity sanitary towels and some night time sanitary towels. I didn't expect to feel such a sense of grief or loss. My husband also feels this. But we also know we made the best decision in our situation.

with medicines

I took the first tablet when my pack arrived at 12pm. Within a couple of hours I felt nausea and by evening I had some lower back pain and was experiencing hot flushes. I took some pain killers and went to bed. The next morning the back pain was worse and I felt pressure on my cervix. By lunchtime, I had an odd sensation in my cervix (it felt like it was beginning to open, I don't know if it was at this stage or not) At 3pm I took some anti sickness meds, half an hour later some painkillers. At 4pm, I went to our bedroom and placed the 4 tablets under my tongue for them to dissolve. 4.30 I began to feel strong cramps and needed to pass urine. I felt very cold. A large amount of tissue passed while I was on the toilet (I didn't look to see if it was a clot or the pregnancy). The cramps were quite bad, I felt them especially in my lower back. I passed more tissue at 5.30, again I didn't look to see what it was. I took more pain meds and anti sickness tablets again at 7pm. At 8pm I took the next 2 tablets, placed them under my tongue again. Half an hour later, the pain was extremely bad, it reminded me of childbirth. At 9.30 I passed the largest amount of tissue. I think this was the pregnancy. Emotionally I found this difficult - in other circumstances I would have carried the pregnancy, but at this point in time my body was in so much pain that I wanted it out. After I passed this I felt really hungry and my husband brought food and more drinks to me. I fell asleep soon after and only woke during the night to use the toilet and change pads. The next 2 days I had some cramping and some bleeding. By the third day the cramps worsened and the bleeding became heavier. Things stayed like this until the 5th day after. I woke with no bleeding or cramps. Today is day 6 after and the bleeding is mostly spotting. The morning sickness went the day after the abortion. I only needed the maternity pads during the process and that night, and was able to use night time pads from the next day. I would say be prepared by having anti sickness tablets, pain killers, heat pads and a towel to place under you while you are going through it. If you don't have anyone to be with you, have some snacks ready and drinks.

genetic factors

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

Yes. It made it very difficult to source information (some organisations in Ireland won't give details of reputable UK clinics) I feel that my country has really let me down, in this case where there are so many complications, that they couldn't provide an abortion.

How did other people react to your abortion?

I told 3 good friends and all supported our decision, my husband told his mother who also understood. I didn't tell my parents as my mother is anti abortion, no matter the circumstances.

illegal

no religion