Lagard

Never had I thought I would go down this road someday

2020 South Africa

disappointed irresponsible selfish relieved stupid ashamed guilty afraid

by myself

I found I was pregnant on a Wednesday, on Sunday my side boyfriend who was not even the father offered me help, he consulted a nurse and bought me pills, cytotec, as I was 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant at that time, there was 6 pills, I first dissolved 3 in my tongue, then 2 immediately after the 3, then broke the 6th pill in half and dissolved it through my virginal. After 20minutes of this whole procedure, I started feeling quite uncomfortable, the was pain but just slight, then as the day progressed it became intense, there wasn't any lemon size clots but there were clots and quite qooey bleeding. I never felt the pregnancy pass and I became scared constantly calling the guy that hey I am going to get an infection, what if something is going to go wrong, but he was supportive and told me all the steps I should take, 2 days later I took antibiotics that came with the pills and I started passing tiny clots with the gooey blood like substances then on the last day of the antibiotics course I got really intense pain and I was supposed to go to campus, my sister called my dad and he came and took me to the doctor, this doctor was the very same one I had an appointment with for termination but he was too expensive and my medical aid would not cover such a procedure, so when I got there I told him what I had done, but he shouted at me and told me I was irresponsible for doing such, he did a sonar and told me everything is wrong in my uterus and that I should do womb scrubbing which would cost me R2000, I was dead for a minute but decided that I will come back, but he didn't seem so urgent about it he just told me the tissues might cause an infection so he also put me on pain medication and antibiotics, I'm still taking the pills it's been 6 days after the procedure and I'm passing clots, still not big and it is not as painful anymore, I'm also bleeding but it looks like a normal period only slightly heavier than what mine would look like on a normal day. I don't think I'm going to do the womb scrubbing as I feel like currently my body is cleaning itself up, I mean why aren't women who give birth womb scrubbed but oh well.

my education

I'm not sure if I'm ready for this kind of responsibility as I already have a son with the guy who is supposed to be the father but our relationship is just toxic enough on its own and I'm just currently hanging on to it for my son's sake

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

Not per say, I just feel bad that I should have at least consulted a doctor instead of taking it in my own hands as I don't know what is happening to my body this whole week

How did other people react to your abortion?

My best friend is still tormenting me about it My dad said he would support me in any decision I make as long as I know the consequences My mom just wanted me to get rid of it

illegal

Christianity