엘
I had an abortion and I'm not ashamed
2014 South Korea
My baby was conceive without love, with a father who wanted nothing to do with them and a mother without an education. I did this out of LOVE for my child. Because what kind of life would that be? What if my child was disabled? How could I provide for them physically and emotionally? Who would line up to adopt them? My baby wouldn't have been full white. In this world with so much prejudice, who would adopt them? I know my choice was right.
Before taking the pills, I read up on what to expect. So many scary stories of labor pains and vomiting came up, and like a child about to go in for their shot, I got so overwhelmed that I cried. Honestly, I expected the worst. So I prepared myself. Heating pads, extra pillows, blankets, powerade, books, extra pads, toilet paper...I had it all. I'll say it now though...it wasn't that bad at all. At most, it felt like a bad period. I had absolutely no medication either. Breathing and distraction methods did help to get through it though. My advice? Don't be scared, you won't be screaming in agony for hours. Your body can handle it. The previous day I took the mifepristone, which had no side effects. At 6:45pm the next day, after an hour of worrying and wondering if I should just wait until morning or suffer all night, I took my 4 misoprostol pills vaginally. I gag easily and had terrible morning sickness already, so I wasn't going to risk gagging on these pills for 30 minutes. Plus, misoprostol taken orally gives you a higher risk of nausea. After an hour and a half, I started feeling cramps. It's like when you wake up the morning of your period. Annoying, but not to bad. After a few hours they kind of got a bit worse, but bearable. I started bleeding after 3 hours. Shortly after, I got a hot flash, but focused on fanning myself to distract me from the cramps. I then took the second dose, again vaginally. It was a couple hours of cramping, and then I'm sure I passed something in the toilet. It came from my vagina, felt soft and round like an egg, and plopped its way down. It didn't hurt. After that, my cramping subsided. I was able to nap for 2 hours before waking up again. After that, it was like a normal period. I still feel a bit crampy sometimes, but it just feels like my regular period cramps.
Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?
Here, it's not so much that abortions can't be done. It's that you have to jump through a lot of hoops to get one. Though I spoke the local language, I wasn't comfortable enough to ask countless doctors, "Can I get an abortion here?" The father of the child also refused to help take me to a clinic, because of the illegal aspect of it.
How did other people react to your abortion?
As of now, only 3 people know of my past pregnancy. The father, and 2 of my friends. The father was relieved when it was all finally over. One of my friends was completely understanding (he had been with a girl who had an abortion) and supported my decision. The other friend pressured me to parent, but doesn't know about the abortion.