DeOne

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Its gonna be the first time i speak about my abortion.
I was just a 25 yo girl, so in love, so naive. I fall pregnant after a 3 years relationship. I tried familly planning pills in the first year, but i felt too sick to continue. I then, used Intra-uterine device for another year, but the pain during intercourses, was too big that i had it removed.
I discussed it with my boyfriend,and we start using condoms.
But, being so naive, and so lonely( i have no family),i wanted a baby, someone to love inconditionaly, i had maternal instincts since my childhood.
I conceived in February of the 3rd year of my relationship, i was happy for the baby, my boyfriend was happy, but we were too broke to meet the future baby needs.
We barely had rent money, bills money, i was a student, and he had just lost his invesment.
My head started spinning, fear wouldn't allow me to think straight.
Being a african girl, i couldn't tell a soul, it would be seen as an abomination.
I only made 250$ in a month, i was in scholarship, and i was writting exams.
I had been dealing with a chronic nerve disease for 2 years. For that i had to be on strong meds for the nerve pain( my whole left side was tingling, and sometimes numb)
I had fear for the meds to harm my unborn child, or to lead to deformities, since stopping them could endanger my life.
I went for consultation and my fears were confirmed.
It was a tough choice, my health or having a baby with no sufficient incomes.
My boyfriend was ready to support me either choice i wanted to make, he didn't want to put pressure on me, he supported me all the way.

I still remember nurses gossiping on my cases, rejections from 2 or 3 clinics, tears of desesperation and of guilt; and finaly a doctor that understood my struggles.
She was really nice, she listened to me very calmly, asked me about my medical reports, and comforted me.
I was assigned an adorable nurse who was really skilled. She asked me if i was ready, and i told her that i choosed my health.
It was quick, i was given a pill to swallow with water( misoprostol, if i remember), and another to put in my cheeks some hours after.
I breeded a lot, after taking the second pill at home, i had no strength, my boyfriend took care of me.
I could go out like 4 days later.
The following month i went for scan and i was okay.
I am sorry, my story is quite long, but if it can comfort someone, i would be glad.
Whoever will ready this, should know that SHE IS NOT ALONE!
IT HURTS BUT TIME HEALS.
XOXO

2002 South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands

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