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It wasn’t the easiest thing, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself at that time considering the circumstances.

2018 Namibia

I’m pro-choice and I strongly believe women should have access to safer abortions. I feel as though women should be given the choice to do whatever they want with their bodies.

I knew I was pregnant even before I took a pregnancy test because all the symptoms were there. I was always feeling bloated, always eating, always tired and just wanted to sleep, my co-worker at some pointed asked if I was pregnant and I said “no lmao me pregnant” cause then I really didn’t know but after feeling that way for a while I said nah man this... this is a pregnant but let me go buy the test. I took the test and to no surprise it was positive. There was a lot going on in my life at the time so the problem was finding the time to execute the abortion because you literally need a proper week to get over everything I’d say personally and I just didn’t have the time for that so I waited.. and waited.. and waited until I was about 8 weeks which is 2 months. I then called my boyfriend at the time and told him everything and before he even could speak I told him straight up I didn’t want a baby right now, he said he understands and would have been down with whatever I decided to do anyway. Anyway Initially I planned to have an abortion at home by myself with pills I managed to buy on the black market. I was advised to buy two misoprostols and insert them both into my vagina, wait a few hours and something would happen. BUT that did not happen. I felt nothing and went about my day. I knew this wasn’t right because based on everything I’ve read on the internet and what people have told me, I wasn’t suppose to feel nothing. So I decided to go for a sonar just to make sure that I was actually pregnant and to no surprise again, there was a little fetus, however it did not have a heartbeat. Now I’m assuming the pills caused the heartbeat of the fetus to stop but was to weak to induce me.When the doctor gave me the news, I can honestly not tell you what I felt because at that point in time I was just so confused and my heart was filled with so many emotions, but I know for a fact out of all the emotions I felt, happy wasn’t one of them. Fast forward the doctor advised me to go back to my GP and have him admit me in order for the fetus to be removed. However, I did not go to my GP as that would mean I’d have to use my medical aid and I was still under my mothers medical aid and if I admitted myself or anything she would know so I decided to go to the state hospital. I had to lie to my grandparents that I was going on a trip with a friend for about 2 days because I knew I would be admitted and that would mean not sleeping at home. They were fine with it and off I was to the hopistal at 7am in the morning, first patient in line aswell but boy oh boy did the state hospital have a surprise for me. The gynecologist on duty only arrived at around 5/6 PM and at that point emergency patients were priority which meant that I was only assisted at 9 PM. The gynecologist basically did everything the sonar doctor did and just confirmed. She asked if I knew about the pregnancy , I said yes, she then asked if I wanted to keep the pregnancy and I said I just found out so I still need to wrap my head around a baby. Okay fast forward I was then transferred to another state hospital and it was so full that women were sleeping outside the wards on mattresses. I was lucky to find an open bed in one of the wards. My first night was a breeze, although the gynecologist induced me, nothing had happened the first night which means it was the same process, WAITING FOR A DOCTOR ALL DAY. The kept me on some drip that only ended up swelling up my whole arm until I took it out myself. The doctor came and seen that nothing had happened and instructed they give me 3 mistroposal pills that I had to place under my tongue and within 2/3 hours I started feeling cramps. I honestly do not know what it feels like to give birth but if I could give a guess it would be exactly what I was experiencing that day. Those cramps were so intense and they just kept getting worse and worse until I felt a splash senstation, and EVERY SINGLE PAIN I HAD IN MY BODY LEFT. All of it. I have never felt this kind of relief in my life, but little did I know that was just the “water” breaking and before you know it the cramps were back at it, and they were getting worse. It got to the point where I started to feel something just there by the top of the vagina and I gave it a little push and out it was. The nurses told me that if the fetus comes out, I should just give it a look and cover it up and place it next to me until the doctors came. That in itself was a traumatizing experience. I think having the patients look at their fetuses is wrong. But all in all I was just happy the pain was over, I even cried looking for my mom but I can’t because of the situation. The next day the doctors came and I was cleaned out and released from the hospital with medication.If I had to sum up the whole experience, it was HORRIBLE...and I know some people would scream “BUT THATS WHAT YOU WANTED”, correct, it is what I wanted but not in that way. I didn’t want to have to see or feel the fetus. I didn’t want anything other than the release of it and that’s done like I how I imagine it. I imagined it to be such an easy, fast, unemotional process but I was in for a surprise. however, I DO NOT regret the decision of having an abortion. A baby right now would have turned my life upside down and quite frankly, I’m not ready for that.

There are just so many factors as to why I did not want a child. Education being the number one factor, but so many other reasons.

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

Oh yes. I was angry, mainly at the government. I was thinking of how many woman are out there with unwanted pregnancies but don’t have the money to buy these pills illegally(because they are abit pricey), how many women are forced to carry to full term knowing well they can’t afford a child and the government could care less. How many women then resolve into much more dangerous ways of aborting based on what they hear like drinking news paper ink and oros or removing the fetus with a hanger which you have to shove into your vagina that sometimes may not be successful and in some cases result to infertility or even death. It’s honestly so unfair that we are in 2019 and STILL women are denied to make choices about their own bodies. When will the government realize that providing women with safe abortion procedures will decrease the amount of illegal abortions and can save so many women’s lives.

How did other people react to your abortion?

The father of my child was very supportive as he understood that both of us were no where near ready to have a child. Financially, emotionally, mentally... we just were not ready. My friends were also very supportive as we share the same principles and everything which made the whole process a little less emotional and stressful. My parents, infact no family member knew that I had an abortion nor did they know I was pregnant.

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