Imgoingtobeokay

Share your story

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Typh N

C'est une décision difficile qui fait mal au corps au coeur à l'âme mais la…

C123

CRÓNICAS DE UNA MUJER QUE DECIDIÓ NO TRAER UN HIJO A ESTE MUNDO...

Maria F M B

Yo aborte: Hoy en dia es difícil enfrentar la sanción moral que existe en…

alessandra

I had an abortion

K

Medical abortion is easy, provides instant relief

LOLO

Made me who I am today

Adriana

Myślałam, że będzie gorzej, na szczęście cały czas była ze mną moja druga…

Jay

I had a medical abortion when i was 18 years old at 5 weeks pregnant. Yes, it…

Kera

I'm 18 years of age.My abortion was very hard on me due to religious reasons.It…

squaine123

Not in this alone

Abril

Por un aborto libre, seguro y gratuito.

Lorena Lore

Yo aborte con 5 semanas de gestacion !! No ago responsable a nadie yo me ago…

Belen

Mi experiencia con Oxaprost. 7 semanas.

Cs

Porque la situación lo requería

Jude

....because my pregnancy was unexpected and I did not want another child. My…

Sun Flower

Me, and my guy friend had just found out I was pregnant, though he was super…

Macarena

Yo aborte , con oxapros en Buenos Aires tengo 24 años

Estefanía

Si se lo pudiera decir a alguien sin que me juzgue no me sentiría así