Bryann Turner
It was the right decision for me at this time.
2013 United States
I am mad that I wasn't more careful and put myself in this position to need to make a choice like this. I was terrified when I found I was pregnant. I'm sad that I'll never know what the child will look like, or act like, or the potential of what would/could have been. I am glad that the medication option was available to me. I am relieved the procedure went smoothly. I am coming to terms with the fact that no one knows and the reasons why it must be a secret.
I have a lot of varying feelings about the medication abortion. First, there was no place local for me to go, so I had to drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back for the initial appointment. I'll have to do the drive again in two weeks for the follow-up, too. I panicked a little before taking the second dose of pills since I was unsure of what would happen next. I read all the stories online, the good and the bad, so I expected the best, but was prepared for the worst - would I have a lot of cramping, and a lot of blood or would it be just like a bad period? Would I see big clots? Would I feel nausea? If there was a complication, how would I explain that since I swore I would never tell anyone about this pregnancy. I took the first pill on Thursday at 2:20pm at the clinic. I took the second set of pills at 4:20pm on a Friday. The cramps began about a half hour later with some spotting. The bleeding became heavier over then next 6 hours, but not extreme. I had a lot of cramps, but OTC ibuprofen and a heating pad was enough to ease them so it was tolerable. The worst bleeding was around 1:00am - 4:00am Saturday, so I didn't sleep much. I changed my pad very frequently and there was always a lot of blood in the toilet, but the cramps still were not terrible. I did end up taking some Tylenol with codeine. The bleeding continued through Sunday - like a regular period, but the cramps were completely gone. By Monday morning at 5:00am, I was only spotting. I carried on with all my normal weekend activities the entire time - made dinner, did laundry, went to the market, etc. It made it easier for me to keep my routine as normal as possible.
This pregnancy is the result of an affair with a man I met through work, "Paul". I am 42 years old, married, and I have three children from a previous marriage who are 21, 17, and 14. My current husband had a vasectomy 12 years ago. I have been with "Paul" for three years. He is 13 years older than me, has no children, nor did he ever want any, and he has been married to the same woman for 23 years. He lives 2 1/2 hours away, so we only see each other once or twice a week. "Paul" and I have promised each other that we will never do anything that would jeopardize: 1) our current lives that we created before we met, 2) our spouses, 3) our careers which intertwine, or 4) our love for one another. Therefore; there is no was no way to actually carry this pregnancy without exposing the relationship with me and "Paul". I feel that it was my foolishness for not being more careful that got me in this predicament. I feel that by not telling "Paul", I will protect him and our relationship. I'm simply not strong enough to loose him right now.
How did other people react to your abortion?
I have not told anyone at all about it - not my boyfriend, not a friend, not a family member, not a co-worker. I will never tell anyone. No one can ever know.