Meri
The "choice" of medical termination is not accurate when it's used as a weapon against a woman who wants her baby, but is told that a dangerous medical condition is threatening both mother and fetus.
2017 United States
Abortion feelings are so complex. I feel guilty and ashamed that I would choose abortion even though it was medically recommended. Its only been 6 days and I still cry every day, I still wonder if I was wrong to terminate. I feel lonely.... VERY LONELY. there is no one I can really cry to who will understand my loss. It's uncomfortable and awkward to be trapped in my grief. I have always been pro-choice, and I remain that way. I still hurt in a way that I imagine I cannot articulate. Sometimes it comes out in rage, sometimes in quiet sadness, sometimes in physical pain (I have not been able to eat in a week because it hurts) I have felt suicidal frequently.... I don't understand why. I obviously had my choice made appropriately.
The abortion itself was relatively painless (physically) I was terrified, so I was given anti anxiety medication before I was given the sedatives and put to sleep. I woke up and nothing but my cyst hurt. All in all, if it wasn't for my large dermoid cyst, I would almost say I was comfortable. I was given medication for pain, but I'm sure ibuprofen would have been enough if my cyst was not giving me severe pain (clearly my cyst, not the abortion due to the location of the pain)
I have a large cyst that was literally bigger than my 14 week old fetus. it had migrated up into my navel area behind my uterus.... I could not safely carry my child to term.
Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?
No. The Legality of it makes me grateful. What I experienced post abortion could have been so much worse. No one deserves to feel as though they are worthless, or inhumane for choosing termination for any reason. Mine was medical, I wanted that baby but he and I were at very serious risk, and I chose what some would call selfishly to abort in order to save us both the pain, and the potential death he would experience if my ovary did torsion as it was huge and high up and inoperable. He didn't deserve to die feeling pain. He felt the drugs I was given, we both said goodbye to each other asleep, quietly, and without the trauma that was likely to ensue later when he could not be saved, and I may not have been able to either.
How did other people react to your abortion?
I have had doctors who were kind in the beginning, literally turn on me post abortion. My husband has always remained steadfastly supportive. My friends have generally felt my heartbreak and grief and tried to help too. I have also been verbally and physically assaulted in an ER after my D&C. I have bruises on my thighs and vagina from being forcibly given an unnecessary foley bag, while the doctors watched these nurses, one literally said, "Well, she chose to abort her fetus, of course she's hysterical. This cyst isn't causing her pain." as I vomited bile over the room while sobbing.