Stormy-Hayden Skylar
I don't regret my abortion in the slightest.
2012 United States (born in United States)
I wanted an abortion before, during, and after the procedure. I decision never faltered. I didn't have a strong aversion, it was just matter-of-fact for me. The pamphlets talked about dealing with depression, and "if your depression lasts more than 2 weeks call this hotline..." I never had that for a second. And I didn't have relief exactly (because I never considered the option to keep and then not to), just peace of mind. Everything was usual, and back to as it should be. I was indifferent and normal again. With my only fear being that the doctor would call and say that they wanted me to come back in, because they missed some of the embryo. I have a check-up in two weeks. Let's hope it's not the case. Though she said the odds are astronomical, and she's good at her job, and thinks that possibility is nonsensical. So I trust her. : ) I thought about the pharmaceutical abortion (pill), but I'm glad I did this route. It's predictable. So, the wrap up: 1. no depression form the decision 2. relax and it won't hurt 3. call people like the Abortion Federation (be persistent) to get financial aid 4. neverrrrr do it at home 5. you can walk home, so it can't be that bad : ) 6. the antibiotics and such are very manageable 7. never punish yourself for making this call And lastly, you're all still beautiful, unique, special, and deserving individuals... before, during, and after an abortion. Never let you see yourself as otherwise.
It took 11 seconds! (I was 6 weeks pregnant though) I skipped on Planned Parenthood after I saw the protestors, and the security guard checking me for guns annoyed me. I found a well known gyno nearby. (1/2 in the state) The office staff were so friendly. Anyway, people in the gynecologist's office were diverse, some in for check-ups, others teary eyed (likely in for the procedure), and one couple were laughing their asses off the whole time (happy with their choice to terminate). I was nervous as hell. Not because I thought a "g-d" would punish me, or because I wanted the child, or was concerned about the fact of "killing a child", but because of the pain I'd read about. lol The shot really concerned me. In all facilities the doctor applies a lidocane-based analgesic to the cervix to numb it. Some use a cream, but all facilities still have the standby of injection. A finger prick blood test is given beforehand, if you're negative to make sure future pregnancies don't have complications they'll give you an additional shot during the procedural prep. I was horrified, but was assured that the cervix had a low amount of nerve endings because, "there is no need for the body to have a lot there, because we don't use it for anything." Oddly enough the injection didn't hurt. Less than the speculum insertion. Hurt less than getting the same done to my tooth. It, it actually didn't hurt at all. Astounding. So my doc/nurse was right. Now, the insertion of the tube and speculum: I did yelp twice. It hurt. Not run for the hills bad, but luckily again my doctor was very knowledgeable with relaxation techniques. She said to push down, which I did. The doc told me that pap smears always hurt me because I clench up. "If you are relaxed an abortion shouldn't hurt at all", she said. She was right. I made the nurse and my mom chatter about inane things to distract me, and while pushing I didn't even hear the vacuum at all. The second I pushed the pain stopped---seriously, relax friends! (smoke some pot or take a Xanax if need be) I walked out of there fine, but my body is pretty frail as is, so I felt very "blah" for the rest of the day. I paced because I was told not to lay down (you bleed more). The pills I took were numerous, and I had to take a few that would cause cramping to reduce the size of my uterus. It was pester-some, but with the heating pad tied to me to walk around, and tea, it was very manageable. Day two I'm 99% fine. Could bike ride if emergency called for it. (but don't do that)
Financial: $600 is a lot. It is thousands more to deliver a kid. And keeping them, sooooooo much more. Genetic factors: I'm Bipolar. I've been depressed my entire life. It's very heritable, and If my kid ended up living the same life I'd feel terrible. Living on pills sucks. Mental health issues: I'm too crazy to care for myself (co-dependent, depressive, suicidal, etc), how could I care for another? My age: I'm 21. I'm in school. Life would be a huge struggle. My personal reasons for not wanting a child: I never wanted to give birth. Ever. It looks painful. Reallyyyy painful. And my body will suffer from it forever. As well I'm transgender, and having a child is one of the most emasculating, and confusing things a non-female identified person could do. It's a disgusting process, too. It's not all baby showers, pretty Twilight-esque glowing skin, etc. Giving birth you can shit on the table from pushing. You can stroke out. You can be stuck in labour for two days. It's unpredictable, painful, and nauseating. If I thought 6 weeks of my depression, crippling nausea, food aversion, and cramping were bad, it is nothing compared to 9 months of it's possibility. (and after effects)
Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?
Yes and no, but not for opinions other than ones financially motivated. I don't understand how this procedure, even if electively funded, could be banned. Same goes for recreational drug use. People are going to make their own decisions, even if they are taboo, but because of this fact there should be venues of access to make the choice safe (e.g. clean needle exchanges, abortion clinics) I live in a "Red state", so every year strangers are trying to take away all people's right of termination, by putting facilities through technical strongholds, and pressuring the vulnerable walk-ins with scornful and manipulative religious morale. Because of it's illegality it's not affordable, too. (I owed $600; the Abortion Federation paid for half---I'm so lucky) It's terrible to have to pay so much. Overpopulation is a major issue in this world, and I feel that the federal government should not only legalize abortion, but lower the price; doing so would take strain off of their social welfare programs.
How did other people react to your abortion?
My good friend is against abortion but was fully supportive of my decision, and even wanted to accompany me. My mother never considered me carrying a child to term for a minute, and loaned me the money. She was very irritated about the situation. My grandmother was also irritated. My mother's boyfriend loaned me half of the fee. I do not know any of their stances, but by their reactions they seemed pro-choice (at least in my case). Excluding them my brother would not look me in the eyes the day of the procedure. He is likely pro-choice, but was very ashamed of me. Basically I had a "support" group, but only my two best guys were emotionally there for me. It's better than none compared to some of the stories I've read.