Nthati

It was a difficult but necessary choice to have made.

2016 South Africa

grieving disappointed peaceful irresponsible resolved relieved confused sure afraid

Upon finding out that I was pregnant, I should’ve been excited. But I wasn’t, I found myself crying and uncontrollably sad in the bathroom as the test came out clearly positive. I knew I wasn’t ready for this child. I knew I should’ve been more careful. And the saddest part, is I knew that my child wasn’t coming into a good union. My partner flat out ignored me for a week after I told him that I was pregnant. I felt so rejected and hurt, I knew I wasn’t ready for a baby, even though it was my first pregnancy but I needed the emotional support of someone who sold me the wildest dreams of love. I took the decision to head out to Marie stopes to get the pregnancy terminated as early as I could. I was 5 weeks along and they gave me the medical abortion pills to take at home. The nurses were very friendly and supportive, they were informative and kind to a young woman in need of assurance that everything would go well. I took the first pill at the Marie Stopes premises and the nurse talked me throughout what was expected to happen at home. She did her best to assure me that I would be fine, and should I not be- I can call to seek emergency help. Nothing could prepare me for what the next four pills were about to do to my body. Within 39 minutes of taking them, I was shivering, throwing up and having diarrhea all at once. I felt dizzy and had such terrible pains that I didn’t know whether to stand straight, lie down or cower into a foetal position. I began to cramp so horribly, I started crying and thought maybe I should call an ambulance cos I might be dying. After lying down, throwing up with a bucket right next to me- I began to bleed heavily. The pains were starting to subside, but the bleeding was basically gushing at this point. I was lying down and I felt a small mass in my legs, on my pad, which I assumed was the baby. I went into the toilet and cleaned myself up. I am never doing this sh*t to myself again. Overall, I was relieved when it was all over. But I was disappointed in myself that I wasn’t more careful. The experience had made me more empathetic and I wish I could be there for other young women who have no choice but to go the illegal route. Please don’t be hard on yourself and pray for healing everyday. Love and Light to all, ashe.

with medicines by myself

I had a medical abortion using two sets of Pills administered by Marie Stopes.

problems with my relationship mental health reasons

How did other people react to your abortion?

Supportive of my decision although I only told my friends. My colleagues thought it was a miscarriage.

legal

other