Amy

2017 New Zealand

trapped resolved numb angry confused in doubt guilty afraid

I had an argument with my partner the afternoon before I had it. We kind of resolved it but I didn't want to wait any longer to have the abortion. So I had it that evening and my partner just zoned out. I felt so alone. I felt so angry that I was doubled over on the couch and he would ask me to get him a drink etc. I was so angry that he didn't understand what my body was going through and that he didn't show me any sympathy.

by myself

I was terrified as I had no family or friends around as I live on the other side of the world and have no-one here. I felt empty and teary the days after because my partner did not realize the trauma that had occurred in the bathroom and in my body. We moved house the same weekend I had the abortion and was expected to get on with things - so I did. I've kept myself so busy since that I still feel like I need a couple of days to mourn. I regret that I flushed the fetus down the toilet. I panicked and didn't think through what I would actually do with it. If I could do it again, I would've kept it and buried it for closure.

financial issues problems with my relationship my personal reasons for not wanting a child mental health reasons

How did other people react to your abortion?

My partner sat on the couch, asked how I was from time to time and played on his laptop. He got angry with me in the days after about silly things and wouldn't talk about it. I told him that I wouldn't pressure him to speak about it but told him I would like to know one day.

legal

no religion