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My abortions defined my life choices for decades

1986 United States

I was “that” girl that everyone didn’t want to be friends with and having been raised in a very dysfunctional family where no love was expressed physically I validated myself by having sex with men. I was rejected by most men unless they wanted sex from me and I naively played with fire. I had my first abortion at age 22 and my second at age 23, both in clinics that I found in the phone book. I told no one, except for one person who knew me and my family situation. It took me decades to process what happened to me because I was unaware of how to get support and I didn’t feel safe revealing this to anyone. My career choices and educational goals were affected by both my abortions and I’ve never had a functional romantic relationship workout. The shame of having an abortion, combined with the lack of community and family support as well as constant denial of my emontions led me down a path of needing an outlet for my pain and anger-so I put my energies into sports. I had always been a gifted athlete and I spent my entire later 20’s getting a college degree and pursuing athletics. Society defines women as “good” or “bad” and in many countries not having children labels women as sinister, selfish beings. Personally, I don’t trust many women and most men enough to share my history and it takes a great deal of convincing to make me believe a person really would understand my experience or choices. It’s because most people are culturally conditioned to criticize everything women do, how they look and so forth. Now I am 54 and I’m invisible in most parts of society and nobody cares about my reproductivity anymore and all focus is on youth. My thoughts about the world—-I believe that education can create a strong, enlightened culture. We have the potential for a worldwide movement that can save the planet but unfortunately the daily news shows that we are heading in a direction and depleting our resources with reckless abandon, much like I did in my own life leading up to my abortions. I live a quite, monastic life now and am trying to decrease my carbon footprint in the hopes to balance out the overpopulation on our planet. Peace.

Both times were done in a clinic.

I did not want a child and both men told me they weren’t interested in a relationship with me.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Rejected me socially and emotionally. I hid it as best as I could but it changed me deeply. I hated myself for years and never had children because of it.

Mariana

Esta es mi historia: Tengo 35 años y 3 hijos, dos nenas y un varón de 6, 3 y 1…

Aby

I felt it was accapted to have an abortion

Liz Hoffman

Passando pra deixar meu relato, pois sei que vai ajudar muitas mulheres que…

carmilla

J'ai avorté quand j'avais 18 ans. Je ne le regrette pas, je suis fière d'avoir…

Jillybean

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Key

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Aisling

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Layla Sesey

I had an abortion when i was 19 yrs . I last saw my period in December till…

Tlhogi Tshegofaso

I did it when I was 4 weeks. Its was tremendously painful and horrific. The…

Ivana

I had an abortion and never talked about it with anyone

Kojika

Jestem w stałym związku od 7lat. Mam kochającego mężczyznę i mała córeczkę.

Saraith saraith

Perdoneme mi bebe, te amare siempre!

Gaby

No me arrepiento

Elena

No fue tan terrible.

Izabela

Mam 20 lat i zupełnie nie byłam przygotowana na ciąże.
Ja i mój chłopak…

Lucy Smith

It was never going to be easy