Imgoingtobeokay

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It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 Índia

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Como as outras pessoas reagiram ao seu aborto?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Beth

No estaba 10% segura pero lo hice,
Yo aborte.

CJ Koivuniemi

I had an abortion. I was twenty years old and living in Ireland, a country…

Serena

I had an abortion

serena serena

Yo aborte. No culpo por haberlo hecho, sino por no haberme cuidado. Desde el…

Nikki

I made the right decision.

B.

Uma decisão que precisa ser feita rápida porém pensada

Abree

Medical abortion at 9wks 5days

Vittoria

Me siento vacía ...

มานี ชูใจ

ฉันมีปัญหาหลายด้านไม่ว่าจะเป็นเรื่องครอบครัว การเงิน…

Laura

I had a surgical abortion at Planned Parenthood in Beacon, NY at 4 weeks.

K

Medical abortion is easy, provides instant relief

Jess

*No podía ser* 11sem

Lise

I had an abortion and I don't regret it. It was a hard decision but one I knew…

Paula Paula

Miałam aborcję... to była trudna decyzja, nigdy nie zapomnę...

Leah Frida

Yo aborté! porque es mi derecho!

Samantha

Grow Yourself, Before You Grow a Baby.

Madison

Una lucha constante.

Kate

and I'm so relieved

Missy

My story - at 6 weeks and 5 days

Cindy Rios

Yo aborte porque no estaba en el momento adecuado para tener un hijo, mi madre…