Imgoingtobeokay

Compartilhe a sua história

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 Índia

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Como as outras pessoas reagiram ao seu aborto?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Luna

Lo hice en un país en el cual es ilegal, por lo que tuve que acceder al mercado…

Butterfly

Bylam za granica kiedy postanowilam zrobic pierwszy test ciazowy. Okres…

Ianne

A cry of freedom for all women who are dictated by the mentality of the norms…

Misa Mary

soy feliz,soy libre, aborte!! fue la decision mas acertada y feliz que pude…

ana ana

i do love you my baby. but the moment now, is not right. i did this because i…

chanel

I did it because as a female that is my right to control my body no man or…

Elizabeth Elizabeth

Yesterday was my second abortion. My first one was an easy choice as I was just…

Nadia

Le habia escrito una blanca cancion del amor entre una nube y un pez volador.

Ma N

Y fue un proceso duro física y emocionalmente.

Nika

Kiedy dowiedziałam się o kolejnej ciąży załamałam się. Nie wiedziałam co mam…

Annabelle Carton

j´ai eu un avortement

mariam ahmed

I had an abortion

Aga... ta...(?)

zastanawiam się jak to przeżycie i fakt co zrobiałam wpłynie na dalsze moje…

Carolina Posso

I had an abortion porque me sentía sola, sentía que todo el mundo se iba a…

Anne

I am pro-choice and i want to share my story