Imgoingtobeokay

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It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 Índia

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Como as outras pessoas reagiram ao seu aborto?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Bab

J'ai arrêté un processus de vie

Catalina

El Misotrol salvó mi vida

Julia

Foi um pesadelo mas no final me senti mais aliviada

Layla

No dia 28 de outubro de 2018, fazia uma semana que eu vomitava todos os dias ao…

Allison

My abortion was 100% my choice.

Adhi

Saya masih duduk di kelas 3 SMA saat melakukan aborsi. Saya sudah pacaran…

maria maria

No tome la mejor desición, hice lo que pude

Kyky

Your Dreams Are Real, So Are Abortions.

Sofia Ignatius

I had abortion n all went well

Mar

aliviada

Mar Tina

Todo es muy reciente ... estoy recuperandome hace tan solo dos dias que sucedio.

Gaby

Força, tudo que precisa!

Fernanda

Descobri que estava grávida no dia do meu aniversário, na época, sem nenhum…

Emmy Smith

It was the best decision of my life

Zoe

I had an abortion. It was a stressful time, I am glad it is all behind me. My…

Natália Sampaio

Abortei sim! Não foi fácil. foi um dos momentos mas difíceis da minha vida, mas…

PatoPato Quire

Yo decidí por su libertad.