Imgoingtobeokay

Compartilhe a sua história

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 Índia

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Como as outras pessoas reagiram ao seu aborto?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Emmy Smith

It was the best decision of my life

Nahir

Hice lo mejor que pude.

Liz Roldan

Porque mi situación económica era bulnerable y tenia otro hijo de 5 años al…

Natália

Estava grávida de quase 12 semanas.

Maiara Rejane

Não havia outra alternativa.
Dia 02 de Julho, voltava de uma festa, havia bebido…

Adriana

Myślałam, że będzie gorzej, na szczęście cały czas była ze mną moja druga…

Melodie

J'ai avorté il y a 4 ans et demi

Gemma

The best decision for me.

Lu

Y aunque todos los días piense que podría haber sido, fue la mejor decisión…

Catarina Fernando

Tenho 18 anos e os meus pais nunca iriam aceitar que eu tivesse um filho com…

Emily

Bom, acabei de passar pelo procedimento e vim relatar a minha história para que…

mery elizabeth

tomando la decisión de mi vida

Daniela

No era el momento, no me arrepiento.

Sam

I had a Medical Abortion - Painful Experience, Life Changing

elizabet campos

aborte hace 3 semanas y tenia un embarazo de 3 semanas nose aun si fue la…

Ray

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Mabel

Mabel

Miqueyla

No me arrepiento de lo que hice. Abortar suena demasiado frío , asi que mejor…

Valéria

Espero que minha experiência possa ajudar quem vai passar pela mesma situação