Imgoingtobeokay

Condividi la tua storia

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Come hanno reagito le altre persone al suo aborto?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Dita

I choose abortion hard at the beginning but I know this is the right choice

Ayshy

Aborto cytotec 5 semanas

Adhi

Saya masih duduk di kelas 3 SMA saat melakukan aborsi. Saya sudah pacaran…

Vivian

I had an abortion 6 months ago.My boyfriend and I were not ready to have a baby.

Ivka

Moja historia jest świeża, nie mam głębokich przemyśleń czy rad dla Was, czuję…

wiki Kosik

Korzystaj z życia..Na dziecko, przyjdzie odpowiedni czas..

Anon

I had an abortion at 15...and my life is still going well

Anna

Jak dla każdej kobiety dowiedzenie się ze jest się w ciąży, zwłaszcza jeżeli…

Angeli

I had an abortion

Carolina Posso

I had an abortion porque me sentía sola, sentía que todo el mundo se iba a…

Han

Don’t confuse ‘what ifs’ with regret.

Emi

Fiz um aborto porque adoro crianças e acredito que só podemos deixar um…

Susy

Yo interrumpí mi embarazo...

Fernanda

Yo aborté y soy una chica libre

Delfini

Mam 44 lata i dwójkę dzieci. Moje dzieci są już w szkole podstawowej. Bardzo…

Casey

Abortion as a right not a privilege: My abortion story

Luna

Lo hice en un país en el cual es ilegal, por lo que tuve que acceder al mercado…

Fabiola Moreno

I had an abortion when I was 16 years old.