Hattie Ladd

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I have had two abortions. The first one was when I was 20 and the second when I was 22, and both times I was around 7 weeks pregnant. I didn't want to have children, I was too young. Though it wasn't an easy thing to go through and it caused me a lot of upset, I've never regretted it. My heart goes out to all those who aren't permitted to make that choice as easily as I could.

2012 United Kingdom

I want to add that both times I was pregnant I felt like this thing was taking over my body that I didn't want it there - this heaviness in my belly that was leading to one certain, inevitable thing - a baby - and my body was screaming out to make it stop. During the days that I waited for an abortion I felt trapped and unhappy. In the future when I do make the decision to have children, I want to feel joyful that I'm pregnant, and that I choose to have child freely, safely and happily.

The first abortion I had was surgical and it was awful. As I was going under general anaesthetic the doctors were laughing and joking about, one was trying on a silly hat and shooting something into the bin like a game..it was weird and surreal and there was nothing I could do about it because a few seconds later I was conked out. I woke up in a room of girls and women, some crying, either with pain or anguish. I wanted to go and see my boyfriend who was waiting downstairs but I wasn't allowed, then got taken from waiting room to waiting room till I had calmed down from the experience, and came out feeling numb. I felt like I wasn't allowed to deal with the emotions I was feeling, and it made them a lot harder to come to terms with. The second abortion I had was a medical abortion. I took some pills, and basically had a big period whilst taking a few painkillers. I was safe and comfortable at home.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Friends are totally fine about it, my mum was supportive and caring but I haven't spoken to the rest of my family about it. My boyfriend at the time felt confused and I think he wanted to feel like the decision was his as well, so he felt upset that I had made up my mind without him.

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