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My abortions defined my life choices for decades

1986 United States

I was “that” girl that everyone didn’t want to be friends with and having been raised in a very dysfunctional family where no love was expressed physically I validated myself by having sex with men. I was rejected by most men unless they wanted sex from me and I naively played with fire. I had my first abortion at age 22 and my second at age 23, both in clinics that I found in the phone book. I told no one, except for one person who knew me and my family situation. It took me decades to process what happened to me because I was unaware of how to get support and I didn’t feel safe revealing this to anyone. My career choices and educational goals were affected by both my abortions and I’ve never had a functional romantic relationship workout. The shame of having an abortion, combined with the lack of community and family support as well as constant denial of my emontions led me down a path of needing an outlet for my pain and anger-so I put my energies into sports. I had always been a gifted athlete and I spent my entire later 20’s getting a college degree and pursuing athletics. Society defines women as “good” or “bad” and in many countries not having children labels women as sinister, selfish beings. Personally, I don’t trust many women and most men enough to share my history and it takes a great deal of convincing to make me believe a person really would understand my experience or choices. It’s because most people are culturally conditioned to criticize everything women do, how they look and so forth. Now I am 54 and I’m invisible in most parts of society and nobody cares about my reproductivity anymore and all focus is on youth. My thoughts about the world—-I believe that education can create a strong, enlightened culture. We have the potential for a worldwide movement that can save the planet but unfortunately the daily news shows that we are heading in a direction and depleting our resources with reckless abandon, much like I did in my own life leading up to my abortions. I live a quite, monastic life now and am trying to decrease my carbon footprint in the hopes to balance out the overpopulation on our planet. Peace.

Both times were done in a clinic.

I did not want a child and both men told me they weren’t interested in a relationship with me.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Rejected me socially and emotionally. I hid it as best as I could but it changed me deeply. I hated myself for years and never had children because of it.

ana ana

i do love you my baby. but the moment now, is not right. i did this because i…

Mar Tina

Todo es muy reciente ... estoy recuperandome hace tan solo dos dias que sucedio.

Kendra

I had my first abortion. The experience was very difficult. I went back and…

มานี ชูใจ

ฉันมีปัญหาหลายด้านไม่ว่าจะเป็นเรื่องครอบครัว การเงิน…

Marta M.

Dokonałam aborcji

Liz Price

I had an abortion

Monoirmarie

Yo aborté porque es mi derecho

elena

interrumpi un embarazo de 6 semanas

Bryann Turner

It was the right decision for me at this time.

Catarina Fernando

Tenho 18 anos e os meus pais nunca iriam aceitar que eu tivesse um filho com…

Marcela

Es más una historia de amor, que de un aborto pero posiblemente en algo te…

Paula *

Yo acompañe a mi hermana quien pasó por este proceso, siempre fui una persona…

R. P.

Força, meninas, que tudo se ajeita!

Won’t be named Won’t be named

I had an abortion a week after my twenty second birthday, I was five and a half…

Casey

Medical abortion, 19 years old

Krysti

While I was on a 3-month vacation in Europe I met a guy and we quickly fell for…

michel

i'm irish, i had an abortion while living in the netherlands.

Mar

aliviada