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My abortions defined my life choices for decades

1986 United States

I was “that” girl that everyone didn’t want to be friends with and having been raised in a very dysfunctional family where no love was expressed physically I validated myself by having sex with men. I was rejected by most men unless they wanted sex from me and I naively played with fire. I had my first abortion at age 22 and my second at age 23, both in clinics that I found in the phone book. I told no one, except for one person who knew me and my family situation. It took me decades to process what happened to me because I was unaware of how to get support and I didn’t feel safe revealing this to anyone. My career choices and educational goals were affected by both my abortions and I’ve never had a functional romantic relationship workout. The shame of having an abortion, combined with the lack of community and family support as well as constant denial of my emontions led me down a path of needing an outlet for my pain and anger-so I put my energies into sports. I had always been a gifted athlete and I spent my entire later 20’s getting a college degree and pursuing athletics. Society defines women as “good” or “bad” and in many countries not having children labels women as sinister, selfish beings. Personally, I don’t trust many women and most men enough to share my history and it takes a great deal of convincing to make me believe a person really would understand my experience or choices. It’s because most people are culturally conditioned to criticize everything women do, how they look and so forth. Now I am 54 and I’m invisible in most parts of society and nobody cares about my reproductivity anymore and all focus is on youth. My thoughts about the world—-I believe that education can create a strong, enlightened culture. We have the potential for a worldwide movement that can save the planet but unfortunately the daily news shows that we are heading in a direction and depleting our resources with reckless abandon, much like I did in my own life leading up to my abortions. I live a quite, monastic life now and am trying to decrease my carbon footprint in the hopes to balance out the overpopulation on our planet. Peace.

Both times were done in a clinic.

I did not want a child and both men told me they weren’t interested in a relationship with me.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Rejected me socially and emotionally. I hid it as best as I could but it changed me deeply. I hated myself for years and never had children because of it.

Karen vargas

Yo Decidí

Erika

I knew I had to do it from the moment I found out.

Susy

Yo interrumpí mi embarazo...

Lea

Kobieto, jeśli zaszłaś w niechcianą ciążę, to nie wahaj się ani chwili. WOW…

Lily

MI CASO

Fran

YO DECIDÍ

Charles

I had an abortion

Luana Oliveira Jacob

Fiz um aborto - E me senti aliviada.Cada dia que me deito para dormir, fico…

María

Yo aborte

Zuzanna

To była słuszna decyzja.

Nat

Zawsze miałam bolesne miesiączki, wiec spodziewałam się, ze będzie naprawdę…

Génesis

Hola. Esta es mi experiencia.
Tengo 17 años actualmente, no soy virgen pero…

Adhi

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Ammy

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Anna

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lizbeth aparicio

I had an abortion yo quiero abortar porq no siempre se tiene calculadas las…