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My abortions defined my life choices for decades

1986 United States

I was “that” girl that everyone didn’t want to be friends with and having been raised in a very dysfunctional family where no love was expressed physically I validated myself by having sex with men. I was rejected by most men unless they wanted sex from me and I naively played with fire. I had my first abortion at age 22 and my second at age 23, both in clinics that I found in the phone book. I told no one, except for one person who knew me and my family situation. It took me decades to process what happened to me because I was unaware of how to get support and I didn’t feel safe revealing this to anyone. My career choices and educational goals were affected by both my abortions and I’ve never had a functional romantic relationship workout. The shame of having an abortion, combined with the lack of community and family support as well as constant denial of my emontions led me down a path of needing an outlet for my pain and anger-so I put my energies into sports. I had always been a gifted athlete and I spent my entire later 20’s getting a college degree and pursuing athletics. Society defines women as “good” or “bad” and in many countries not having children labels women as sinister, selfish beings. Personally, I don’t trust many women and most men enough to share my history and it takes a great deal of convincing to make me believe a person really would understand my experience or choices. It’s because most people are culturally conditioned to criticize everything women do, how they look and so forth. Now I am 54 and I’m invisible in most parts of society and nobody cares about my reproductivity anymore and all focus is on youth. My thoughts about the world—-I believe that education can create a strong, enlightened culture. We have the potential for a worldwide movement that can save the planet but unfortunately the daily news shows that we are heading in a direction and depleting our resources with reckless abandon, much like I did in my own life leading up to my abortions. I live a quite, monastic life now and am trying to decrease my carbon footprint in the hopes to balance out the overpopulation on our planet. Peace.

Both times were done in a clinic.

I did not want a child and both men told me they weren’t interested in a relationship with me.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Rejected me socially and emotionally. I hid it as best as I could but it changed me deeply. I hated myself for years and never had children because of it.

serena serena

Yo aborte. No culpo por haberlo hecho, sino por no haberme cuidado. Desde el…

Francisca

yo encauce mi destino...

Teaser

Nunca hubiera querido estar en esa encrucijada

Karolina

Historia jakich wiele, jedna nieprzemyślana decyzja i stało się - test wychodzi…

Julieta

Tenía 21 años, una pareja estable con quien pasé 14 años de mi vida. Al dudar…

Andrea

Todo va a pasar, hace apenas 72 hs que termino pero se me han hecho eternas, se…

Ny

I just had my 3rd son 4 months prior finding out I was pregnant. I got a…

Daniela

Yo aborté y es la mejor decisión que pude haber tomado.

AM

I had a surgical, had two kids, and then had medical abortion.

Gadzinka

Moja aborcja przemineła tak jak miała , wziełam tabletki potem dojadałam .

Mireya Mireya

Y no siento culpa, dolor o pena se que aún sigue siendo tabú en México por la…

Silvia García

decidi abortar porque no tengo la economía para tener un hijo y hoy en día los…

maly min

Si, yo una vez estuve embarazada, de eso no hace mucho y cuando me entere llore…

Brenda

Having an abortion was the right thing for my family.

elizabet campos

aborte hace 3 semanas y tenia un embarazo de 3 semanas nose aun si fue la…

Magdalena Kozakiewicz

I had an abortion

Laura

I had a surgical abortion at Planned Parenthood in Beacon, NY at 4 weeks.