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My abortions defined my life choices for decades

1986 United States

I was “that” girl that everyone didn’t want to be friends with and having been raised in a very dysfunctional family where no love was expressed physically I validated myself by having sex with men. I was rejected by most men unless they wanted sex from me and I naively played with fire. I had my first abortion at age 22 and my second at age 23, both in clinics that I found in the phone book. I told no one, except for one person who knew me and my family situation. It took me decades to process what happened to me because I was unaware of how to get support and I didn’t feel safe revealing this to anyone. My career choices and educational goals were affected by both my abortions and I’ve never had a functional romantic relationship workout. The shame of having an abortion, combined with the lack of community and family support as well as constant denial of my emontions led me down a path of needing an outlet for my pain and anger-so I put my energies into sports. I had always been a gifted athlete and I spent my entire later 20’s getting a college degree and pursuing athletics. Society defines women as “good” or “bad” and in many countries not having children labels women as sinister, selfish beings. Personally, I don’t trust many women and most men enough to share my history and it takes a great deal of convincing to make me believe a person really would understand my experience or choices. It’s because most people are culturally conditioned to criticize everything women do, how they look and so forth. Now I am 54 and I’m invisible in most parts of society and nobody cares about my reproductivity anymore and all focus is on youth. My thoughts about the world—-I believe that education can create a strong, enlightened culture. We have the potential for a worldwide movement that can save the planet but unfortunately the daily news shows that we are heading in a direction and depleting our resources with reckless abandon, much like I did in my own life leading up to my abortions. I live a quite, monastic life now and am trying to decrease my carbon footprint in the hopes to balance out the overpopulation on our planet. Peace.

Both times were done in a clinic.

I did not want a child and both men told me they weren’t interested in a relationship with me.

How did other people react to your abortion?

Rejected me socially and emotionally. I hid it as best as I could but it changed me deeply. I hated myself for years and never had children because of it.

Julia

Postanowiłam się podzielić swoją historią, ponieważ gdy szukałam informacji na…

Lise

I had an abortion and I don't regret it. It was a hard decision but one I knew…

Maria

La decisión es tuya enlo que sigue te acompañamos

M

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Typh N

C'est une décision difficile qui fait mal au corps au coeur à l'âme mais la…

Yasmin Lara

Bom,eu encontrei vários relatos e quis deixar o meu bom eu tenho só 17 anos e…

Tannicola Nkata

I was brutally rapped during my time of imprisonment in my native country. I…

Meri

The "choice" of medical termination is not accurate when it's used as a weapon…

Sarah

Because I could barely provide for the child I had already.

yerlina

mi decision.una eleccion

Maria

Sou dona de mim.

Esmeralda Esmralda

Por que lo hice es quizas por que nobera mi momentl consideraba era muy pequeña…

Jane

I had 2 abortions

Lisa

I always thought I cannot be pregnant, as I was diagnosed with primal…

Ronnie

because the time just wasn't right for me.

Kojika

Jestem w stałym związku od 7lat. Mam kochającego mężczyznę i mała córeczkę.