yvette

I had an abortion in the US a few years ago. I think it is important for all of us to remember that even in the hardest situations, no one can own our hearts, spirits and souls. We have the power to carry a pregnancy and to let go of that pregnancy if we feel it is not the right time to bear a child. This is our power as women-- never forget it.

2004 United States (born in United States)

disappointed peaceful resolved confident happy

Like I said above, being pregnant and having the presence of mind to own the experience was one of the most important events in my life. It was a life affirming moment at a time when all else was bleak around me. The only reason I say I feel disappointed is that I am often frustrated that I cannot talk openly about my abortion because of how it happened. When I think about this fact, I become angry that women's intuition is so mistrusted in this culture.

with herbs, massages or other methods

Great. I felt completely uplifted by a strong circle of trust from some amazing women around me. It was also amazing to watch how quickly my body adjusted to the cycle of life, death and normal menstruation.

my personal reasons for not wanting a child

Although I would love to have a child, I was technically homeless at the time I had an abortion. I had been evicted from a warehouse where I was living illegally with 6 other people. In all, over 50 people were evicted on that day. It was the coldest winter in the history of my city and all of my belongings were spread all over town. Because of the eviction, I took a leave from school; without a paycheck, I was broke. My partner does not want children and someday we will have to change our relationship so that I will have a chance to raise a child, but neither of us are ready for that kind of break in our relationship right now. Having an abortion made me realize that, more than anything, I want to be a mother someday. I feel very lucky to have had the wakeup call of the unplanned pregnancy.

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

I felt empowered by the way I terminated the pregnancy, but I also think that the way I did it requires a lot of awareness and information (like this website) so that women can safely trust the power of their bodies. It does sometimes make me nervous that I could be treated like a criminal or, at the very least, irresponsible, for following my heart in knowing that I could have an abortion comfortably and safely without being in a clinic. It is very hard in the US to do anything that is not directly controlled by someone with more political or social power than you. The fact that I did not involve an MD in my pregnancy would make many people think I'm crazy.

How did other people react to your abortion?

My closest friends shared the abortion with me. They accompanied me at points through the week I knew I was pregnant so that they could help me experience the wonder of pregnancy and support through the process of letting go. One friend went to a yoga class with me where the instructor talked about letting go of control in our center. Only this friend knew how true this experience was for me. There are not many people who support how I ended the pregnancy, as it did not happen in a clinic, but overall the closest people to me were helpful through the entire process. The circle of women around me kept me strong. They fed me, honored my procreative powers, and seemed in awe of the entire circumstances of my pregnancy. My sisters, who live over a thousand miles away, went to the ocean that day to be present with my experience (I feel very comforted by the ocean and they know this).

illegal

i have no children

other