M

At first i didn't know i was pregnant until i noticed i was vomiting a lot, but was skeptical because while still being sexually active i was taking contraceptive pills. So i bought the pregnancy test and got positive, i went to get an ultrasound and was told i was 15 weeks in. I was surprised and cried when seeing the fetus was taking form. I told my ex, who we've been together for 6 years but separated 3 months ago for good knowing it just wasn't going to work out, yet we still remained as friends. At first he couldn't believe it and said "it can't be mine" which i reassured him that I've been loyal to him even when we were separated. After understanding it was his, he said it was bad news n that i should abort. I knew he was holding back because his mother was suffering through depression to the point of saying she wanted to suicide and he didn't want to make her situation worse by saying he was having a baby. I was devastated hearing those words because I've always wanted to have a baby for such a long time and he said he did as well. Later the same day, he called to say he wanted us to have the baby but we would live our separate lives, that he told his family and they all were supportive of us having the baby. I would have beeb fine with that and I wanted to believe i was ready. 2 years ago i had $10K in my account by overworking myself at 6 jobs. but then i irresponsibly spent it all due to wanting to treat myself to trips overseas and events and other things. Now i only have $100 and it is the first time in 6 years that I've hit less than $500, i didn't think this or another emergency would happen. My dad said he'd support emotionally but not financially (he lives in another country)and my mom said she would help out as much as she can but she already pays everything in the house and only has $300 remaining monthly. My ex for 4 years has been carrying a car lease and credit card debt and working 2 jobs to be able to pay it all, and his family is not financially stable, every month they had a new problem, either ways they live far away. We we're just not economically stable. If i had the baby i would have to take a long break from work and college which i only need 2-3 semesters to finish my AA. We were having a problem with the insurance because they made a mistake and had to pay quadruple of what we would normally pay, we were also told that if i had a baby now we would not be eligible to get our citizenship due to the change of laws even though we were already permanent residents. My mom has been going through medical problems that could possibly affect her life expectancy even though she is still in her 40s, such as partial paralysis due to tachycardias(possible derame cerebral) and possibly starting symptoms of Alzheimer. I was extremely worried and scared of everything, of being alone because i don't have other family apart from my mom here. My friends were there to support me but i knew that by having a baby i can only count on myself for the baby. I knew i was just not ready, why now from all times and with someone that i knew i didn't want to continue my love life with. I told him i was considering abortion due to everything and he just didn't want to accept it. I know that in the end it was my decision not his or his family (his mom kept texting me to have the baby). He said we would never see each other again if i aborted and i was prepared to see his reaction. I went to the abortion clinic in the morning and i had to wait around 2 hours until i was able to go inside. I was shaking the whole time because i wasn't 100% sure if everything was going to be alright, and have been crying for days because I really didn't want to abort but i knew it wasn't the correct time and wanted to go through with it. I was told that an abortion at 15 weeks was still safe and the probability of complications is extremely low. I cried when they did another ultrasound before inserting the meds to make me sleep, i saw the fetus arm move and its heart pumping, it killed me to see that. I felt so sad and suddenly i fell asleep waking up the next second. Apparently, the procedure only lasted 30minutes. When i woke up i felt so empty and i got a panic attack because i didn't want to believe my baby was gone, i can't turn back time. A girl that also got an abortion sat next to me as we were both still dizzy from the meds, she held my hand the whole time as i cried, the nurses told me to calm down. After i got home, i called my ex to tell him i aborted and he was furious. His mom and sister told me that i did the worst decision and that i should have had the baby and taken responsibility since i opened my legs, that i can't be playing god with someones life and to never contact my ex again. I knew that it was the best decision for the 3 of us but they didn't think so. My ex called 2 days after still very upset saying a lot of hurtful things, and maybe that was the last time im ever going to hear from him. I have accepted reality as it is, i can't let their words affect me. I wanted to build a better future for myself and my future family, to get everything ready for a baby to come to life. And if they can't accept that, then they are in the wrong. I'll keep advancing forward, with my education, save money and invest for business, and other dreams and problems i have to solve. And hope to find someone that i can form a family with

2020 United States

grieving irresponsible selfish numb in doubt ashamed guilty afraid sad

Right after the abortion and days after i just wanted to die from all the overwhelming emotions i felt. I still cry every day because i wish i would have had my baby, i wish i was ready, i wish the decision would have been easier to take. I know that a lot of women go through abortion for various reasons and i was so afraid that i would not be able to provide and afraid of how our life would be. My ex kept saying that i was selfish for not giving life to something living and not wanting to take responsibility for the first time in my life, and i kept thinking 'maybe it was selfish' but it was for the right reasons. It has been a week since then, now i have to stay strong to build a better me and future, to remind myself why i took this decision, to give myself motivation or else this sacrifice would have been in vain.

in a clinic or hospital with surgery

The nurses we're really nice and answered any questions i had. I fell asleep in 5 seconds and woke up in another room, no physical pain but still feeling dizzy due to the meds which lasted a few minutes.

financial issues my education problems with my relationship

Ano ang reaksyon ng ibang tao sa iyong pagpapalaglag?

My friends and family were supportive of my decision and said that i shouldn't feel guilty and move on with my life because i had all the right to choose what i chose. But my ex and his family were so opposed of my abortion, they all hate me now and said very hurtful things. But i know that they were on the wrong. No one can force you to take any decision, because in the end, you are the only person that will have to face the consequences.

legal

no religion