Imgoingtobeokay

Share your story

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Ako reagovali na váš potrat iní ľudia?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Vanessa

yo conoci a los 14 años a un vigilante que trabajaba donde mi mama el era super…

Sara

Completei o processo há cinco dias e não consigo deixar de pensar no assunto

Mary Adler

Saya hamil 7minggu. Saya seorang muslim dan pacar saya seorang yang menganut…

Giovanna

Oi amigas, primeiramente gostaria de dizer que eu entendo exatamente o quê…

Miih Be

Dia 9 de Setembro de 2019 tive relação sexual desprotegida com meu noivo, ele…

Bom foi uma decisão bem complicada, porque eu nunca pensei em fazer isso. Eu…

Abril Violeta

cuando tenía 24 años, recién terminaba la licenciatura, estaba desempleada, en…

carolina

yo aborté y quiero contar mi experiencia...

Irina

Cuando miro para atrás, más se afirma la certeza de que hice lo correcto.

Lily

I had a medical abortion (the pill) with BPAS when I was just shy of 8 weeks.

Bee

I felt very guilty but relieved . I was way too young to be a mother.

Dana Bronte

Muerte de un ángel.

Mar Tina

Todo es muy reciente ... estoy recuperandome hace tan solo dos dias que sucedio.

pam carol

Yo aborte

Jess

This is something that was necessary for me but most definitely the hardest and…

elena

interrumpi un embarazo de 6 semanas

VIcky

Yo aborte

Lindseymae Mckay

My name is Lindseymae McKay. I will be 32 years old next week. I have a 6 year…

Lilian Godfrey

I had an abortion twice this year. One was around August, and the second today…