Eléonore Delmas

I had an abortion

1994 Frankrijk (geboren in France)

comfortabel rustig opgelucht verlicht overtuigd gelukkig zeker

Glad, relieved, focused, back into my body, empowered, sharp

met medicijnen in een kliniek of ziekenhuis met chirurgie (zuigcurretage)

I had 2 abortions. The first was surgery, I was underage, and thus accompanied by my mother (and boyfriend). The second was by RU486, I was 19 and by myself. Surgery in itself can be scary, but this was the mildest operation I ever had (I am however, allergic to morphine now). As for the induced miscarriage, ya feel it, but that's also a good thing, listening to your body - which is obviously what I'd failed to do before. You need some time off to be nice to yourself.

financiele situatie mijn opleiding mijn leeftijd (te jong of te oud) problemen met mijn partner mijn persoonlijke reden waarom in geen kind wilde geestelijke gezondheid

I was 17 and 19 when I had my abortions. My life was spinning out of control in all possible ways (atrocious family relationships, feelings of abandonment, alienation, panic attacks, self-destructive boyfriends, poor hygiene and care of myself, school ditching...). I got pregnant the first time I had sex, and I knew it right away. As well as knowing right away I WOULD NOT HAVE THAT CHILD. Things snapped into focus as I finally took a hold of ME, and reclaimed my body - for a while. The second time... let's say I still hadn't fixed my life (and could not take contraception for health reasons, + am allergic to latex and very very fertile). I know what it's like to not be ready for a child. I could never screw up her/his life alongside mine so royally. Never, ever, ever. Many people have tried to convince me that I would eventually have a depression, that I was inhibiting my feelings. It's been 13 years now, and the only thing I feel when I think about my 2 abortions is joyous relief and gratefulness.

Had de illegaliteit van je abortus invloed op je gevoelens?

It was legal both times. I was relieved.

Hoe reageerden andere mensen op je abortus?

I didn't ask for validation, as there was no doubt in my mind. My then boyfriend moaned about it the 2 years we stayed together. My friends asked if I needed anything. My mother (I had to tell her the 1st time since I was 17) remains absolutely mute about it, which is refreshing. A woman stopped me outside of Family Planning and asked if I was "going to kill (my) baby". I usually have a slow sense of repartee, but I slammed her against a wall and said I'd start with killing her. She went ashen and my boyfriend had to pry my fingers off her. This woman represents/ed everything that is wrong with the world.

ik heb geen kinderen

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