Imgoingtobeokay

당신의 이야기를 공유합니다

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

다른 사람들은 당신의 낙태에 대해 어떻게 반응 했습니까?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Cherokee Schill

I had 6 abortions.
Originally I was only going to share two of my medically…

Raquel

Perdón a mis angelitos!

Fernanda

Escrevo esse depoimento por intermédio do meu parceiro e por mim, que passamos…

Lily

I had a medical abortion (the pill) with BPAS when I was just shy of 8 weeks.

Allison

My abortion was 100% my choice.

Chinchulina

I come from a country where abortion is legal but due to my personal…

Violet

la verdad nunca paso por mi mente que a mi me sucedería algo así, siempre pensé…

Anonimowa

Dwie kreski...Te dwie czerwone kreski na białym papierku były jak kubeł zimnej…

S.M.J

Nunca imaginei que precisaria passar por isso

Mar Tina

Todo es muy reciente ... estoy recuperandome hace tan solo dos dias que sucedio.

Sara Barretos

Descobri a gravidez com 4 semanas, a camisinha estourou e tomei a pílula do dia…

Mayra

Yo aborté a las 7 semanas y fue la mejor decisión.

Raqueli

misto de melancolia e alívio

Saraith saraith

Perdoneme mi bebe, te amare siempre!

L

My abortions defined my life choices for decades

mary cry

pior momento de minha vida

elena

interrumpi un embarazo de 6 semanas

Estefanía

Si se lo pudiera decir a alguien sin que me juzgue no me sentiría así

Urszula

Po porodzie miałam postanowienie, wiecej dzieci nie chcę, mój ginekolog dobrze…