Imgoingtobeokay

Comparta su experiencia

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

¿Cómo reaccionaron otras personas a tu aborto?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Samantha

Grow Yourself, Before You Grow a Baby.

Samanta

Uma escolha difícil.

Sadie

I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we are in our early 30s now. 

My…

elizabet campos

aborte hace 3 semanas y tenia un embarazo de 3 semanas nose aun si fue la…

Dani

Aborto a las 4 semanas, perdóname mi ángel.

amelia belle

ini pengalaman pertama saya setelah 24 tahun hidup di dunia sebagai seorang…

Carolina

Me enfrente a la injusticia de haber nacido mujer

Won’t be named Won’t be named

I had an abortion a week after my twenty second birthday, I was five and a half…

Lindseymae Mckay

My name is Lindseymae McKay. I will be 32 years old next week. I have a 6 year…

Charles

I had an abortion

Paula Paula

Miałam aborcję... to była trudna decyzja, nigdy nie zapomnę...

Nara

Eu descobri a gravidez com 10 semanas,tomava Yasmin a 4 anos,assim que comecei…

ana ana

i do love you my baby. but the moment now, is not right. i did this because i…

A alexandra

Mi futuro, mi familia

Maria sovitlana

i really cant believe that i can do it in a country where so much hard law…

KEP

I was 44 years old and already had 2 children. The pregnancy was an accident…