Val

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Am I a horrible person

2016 United States

I'm only 20 and I've been having unprotected sex with my boyfriend for 6 months now, I let him cum in me all the time and nothing ever happened so i didn't think i could get pregnant. He really wanted to get me pregnant on purpose and I wanted to get pregnant as well but only to see if it was possible for me to get pregnant. So we were pretty much trying for a baby for months, and finally on September 23rd 2016 I found out i was 5 weeks pregnant. I did my ultrasound at 5 weeks at a hospital and was very happy but at the same time broke down into tears because i have no family and friends. Just my boyfriend, so i was feeling very alone. My boyfriend was very happy and excited and told all of his friends. Unfortunately we've had terrible fights after we found out and i was in despair the entire time wanting the baby out of me. If we had gotten along better and were happier I would've kept my baby. I never told the father i wanted an abortion, he thought i was keeping our baby. I went to the clinic with my friend and told him id be out hanging with my girl and going shopping so he wouldn't have found out. The next day i took my second pills while i was getting my hair done and a few minutes after i had the worst cramps of my LIFE. I was screaming in pain for an hour it was horrible. I came home screaming and my boyfriend rushed to me begging me to go to the hospital, finally i gave in and we went. I told the doctors what really happened and not to say anything to my boyfriend, i didn't want him to know and they respected that, i told my boyfriend to go in the waiting room which he thought was weird while they cleaned me out. After I left the hospital I wasn't in a deep depression like i thought I'd be, I was actually in a calm sort of content mood. I told my boyfriend I miscarried and he cried for a few seconds and that was it. I don't know if I'm a bad person or not for deceiving him, especially since we were trying for a baby and I got rid of the root of our love in a way... my boyfriend has been physically and mentally abusive to me, he has hit me a couple times so i know i probably did the right thing.

It was okay, when I took the second pills I've never felt that bad of pain in my life, i imagine it was like going into labor but labor obviously might be worse

I wasn't getting along with my boyfriend (even though he was very happy about my pregnancy)

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

it was legal

How did other people react to your abortion?

My mom pushed me to have one, and my "friends" which i don't really have any were cold and telling me i shouldn't have it, except for one supportive friend that was happy for me.

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