Eléonore Delmas

I had an abortion

1994 Франція (born in France)

comfortable peaceful resolved relieved confident happy sure

Glad, relieved, focused, back into my body, empowered, sharp

with medicines in a clinic or hospital with surgery

I had 2 abortions. The first was surgery, I was underage, and thus accompanied by my mother (and boyfriend). The second was by RU486, I was 19 and by myself. Surgery in itself can be scary, but this was the mildest operation I ever had (I am however, allergic to morphine now). As for the induced miscarriage, ya feel it, but that's also a good thing, listening to your body - which is obviously what I'd failed to do before. You need some time off to be nice to yourself.

financial issues my education my age (too young or old) problems with my relationship my personal reasons for not wanting a child mental health reasons

I was 17 and 19 when I had my abortions. My life was spinning out of control in all possible ways (atrocious family relationships, feelings of abandonment, alienation, panic attacks, self-destructive boyfriends, poor hygiene and care of myself, school ditching...). I got pregnant the first time I had sex, and I knew it right away. As well as knowing right away I WOULD NOT HAVE THAT CHILD. Things snapped into focus as I finally took a hold of ME, and reclaimed my body - for a while. The second time... let's say I still hadn't fixed my life (and could not take contraception for health reasons, + am allergic to latex and very very fertile). I know what it's like to not be ready for a child. I could never screw up her/his life alongside mine so royally. Never, ever, ever. Many people have tried to convince me that I would eventually have a depression, that I was inhibiting my feelings. It's been 13 years now, and the only thing I feel when I think about my 2 abortions is joyous relief and gratefulness.

Did the illegality of your abortion affect your feelings?

It was legal both times. I was relieved.

How did other people react to your abortion?

I didn't ask for validation, as there was no doubt in my mind. My then boyfriend moaned about it the 2 years we stayed together. My friends asked if I needed anything. My mother (I had to tell her the 1st time since I was 17) remains absolutely mute about it, which is refreshing. A woman stopped me outside of Family Planning and asked if I was "going to kill (my) baby". I usually have a slow sense of repartee, but I slammed her against a wall and said I'd start with killing her. She went ashen and my boyfriend had to pry my fingers off her. This woman represents/ed everything that is wrong with the world.

i have no children

other