Imgoingtobeokay

Share your story

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

உங்கள் கருக்கலைப்புக்கு மற்றவர்கள் எவ்வாறு பதிலளித்தனர்?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

anjali sidhu

I had an abortion

takaja

zrobiłabym to jeszcze raz

amelia belle

ini pengalaman pertama saya setelah 24 tahun hidup di dunia sebagai seorang…

Sarah Brown Sara

A pesar de que tengo la edad suficiente y una pareja estable y en planes de…

Nika

Kiedy dowiedziałam się o kolejnej ciąży załamałam się. Nie wiedziałam co mam…

Sunny

To była moja druga aborcja. Jak się okazało, była dużo łatwiejsza, z…

Jennifer

Sin duda ha sido la decisión más difícil que he tomado en lo que llevo de vida

elizabet campos

aborte hace 3 semanas y tenia un embarazo de 3 semanas nose aun si fue la…

Jen

I had an abortion and I'm so pleased that I had that option. I was only 18…

Anonymous

The wrong idea that abortion is a sin.

C.

I had an abortion, I don't regret it but I can't get over it. The lack of…

Joanna

Moje życie to moje wybory. / My life is my choices.

Jamie

And I am so happy! I am so lucky that I had the choice to have an abortion! The…

Génesis

Hola. Esta es mi experiencia.
Tengo 17 años actualmente, no soy virgen pero…