Imgoingtobeokay

Ossza meg velünk történetét

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 Индия

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

உங்கள் கருக்கலைப்புக்கு மற்றவர்கள் எவ்வாறு பதிலளித்தனர்?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Maria F M B

Yo aborte: Hoy en dia es difícil enfrentar la sanción moral que existe en…

Nikki

I made the right decision.

Vivi Lili

La vdd no creo que sea malo soy una mujer casada y tengo un precioso hijo pero…

Chinchulina

I come from a country where abortion is legal but due to my personal…

Mabel

Mabel

Giovanna

Oi amigas, primeiramente gostaria de dizer que eu entendo exatamente o quê…

Kera

I'm 18 years of age.My abortion was very hard on me due to religious reasons.It…

Aisling

Minor blip overcome thanks to Women on Web

Ivana

I had an abortion and never talked about it with anyone

Abril

Por un aborto libre, seguro y gratuito.

Pippa

I had 2 abortiona in the space of a year...

was 20 nearrly 21 i hadnt had a…

Won’t be named Won’t be named

I had an abortion a week after my twenty second birthday, I was five and a half…

squaine123

Not in this alone

xxx xxx

znów mogę cieszyć się życiem...

NICOL

No tenia mas opciones

Miqueyla

No me arrepiento de lo que hice. Abortar suena demasiado frío , asi que mejor…

Sun Flower

Me, and my guy friend had just found out I was pregnant, though he was super…

Brun

Sentimento de alívio e culpa

Lagard

Never had I thought I would go down this road someday

Karolina

Miałam aborcję.