Imgoingtobeokay

Share your story

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

உங்கள் கருக்கலைப்புக்கு மற்றவர்கள் எவ்வாறு பதிலளித்தனர்?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

NICOL

No tenia mas opciones

Lily

I had a medical abortion (the pill) with BPAS when I was just shy of 8 weeks.

Ale

Sin remordimientos

Mary Adler

Saya hamil 7minggu. Saya seorang muslim dan pacar saya seorang yang menganut…

Nara

Eu descobri a gravidez com 10 semanas,tomava Yasmin a 4 anos,assim que comecei…

Rocio Rocio

14 semanas

aileen

I have had two abortions

Hattie Ladd

I have had two abortions. The first one was when I was 20 and the second when I…

KEP

I was 44 years old and already had 2 children. The pregnancy was an accident…

Julia

Foi um pesadelo mas no final me senti mais aliviada

Julieta Iovaldi Curutchet

Decidí desde el principio no compartir esa experiencia con la pareja de ese…

Natália Sampaio

Abortei sim! Não foi fácil. foi um dos momentos mas difíceis da minha vida, mas…

Cacau

O aborto é uma escolha apenas da MULHER.

Vanessa Behrens

Decisión personal

qbAnchic

This will be my 5th abortion today. This is the first time I've do e it with…

M C

Fiz um aborto de aproximadamente 4 semanas e tomei o cytotec que o amigo da…

andrea

A mi ángel