Han
Don’t confuse ‘what ifs’ with regret.
2016 Соединенное Королевство
Sometimes I feel selfish, but then I stop and tell myself, no it’s my body and my life. I don’t regret what I did and need to stop letting the what ifs get into my head!!
The process itself was straight forward in terms of how everything went about. But for me mentally and physically it was horrendous. I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant that I didn’t want the baby. I wasn’t ready. I’d just handed my notice in at work and my partner and i were going travelling later that year for 12 months. Like I said, the process was straightforward. I met with my GP who gave me the number of a clinic I had to ring. I made an appointment, had a scan and discussed options. The nursing staff were incredibly friendly and non judgemental. It felt like a very warm environment. My first option was the pill. I could have taken one then and come back the following day and taken another one, but because I’d already lied to work about where I was, the fact I worked an hour away and the fact I was a teacher, I couldn’t go through with it. So because of time restraints my second option was minor surgery to remove the fetus. It was painful, and both during and after. After a few hours there was a lot of a blood and the cramps were horrendous. There is still a stigma around abortion and because of that I’ve lived with this secret for almost 2 years. Because of the stigma I couldn’t tell my boss so I had to go back to work the next day and teach 32 ten year olds whilst I was in incredible pain and still miscarrying.
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The only person who knows about the abortion was my partner at the time. Something I’ve found difficult since I made my decision was coping with the fact he didn’t want me to go through with it. It’s something he held against me for the rest of our relationship.