Imgoingtobeokay

Deel je ervaring

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Hoe reageerden andere mensen op je abortus?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Kojika

Jestem w stałym związku od 7lat. Mam kochającego mężczyznę i mała córeczkę.

Liz Price

I had an abortion

Maura

Fiz um aborto tive o apoio dá minha irmã mais velha que pagou a enfermeira​ que…

Lorena

Yo aborte por que decidí que no estaba lista para ser madre y por qué empiezo a…

diana

naprawde nie miałam wyjścia jestem miesiąc po,nie bolało szczerze mówiąc…

Lucille 2

I had an abortion. I got pregnant from a brief relationship and very…

Carolina Posso

I had an abortion porque me sentía sola, sentía que todo el mundo se iba a…

laura micaela

Yoo aborte fue complicado porque pense q no iva a conseguir las medicinas, pero…

Leah Frida

Yo aborté! porque es mi derecho!

Suzanne

I had an abortion

Yana

I had an abortion-it was a difficult decision...

Ania anonimowa

Odpowiednia pora.

Ary

Yo he abortado 4 veces.

Jennifer

Sin duda ha sido la decisión más difícil que he tomado en lo que llevo de vida

Susy

Yo interrumpí mi embarazo...

*De*

Fiz um aborto

Hattie Ladd

I have had two abortions. The first one was when I was 20 and the second when I…