Bee
I felt very guilty but relieved . I was way too young to be a mother.
2010 الولايات المتحدة الأمريكية
After the abortion I felt so relieved but I felt very guilty because I didn't give my child a chance. A chance to live and experience life, for it to take it's first breath and look of this world. God sent me a blessing and I turned my back on god and committed a crime. I was stuck with the sane question what if? What if I had been brave and decided to keep it? What if I stopped thinking about myself and my future ? What If I didn't care that I was going to disappoint my family? What if I wasn't afraid of telling my parents ? What If that baby would have changed my life and have been the answer to my prayers? What if, is the question I always ask myself. But what's done is done, there's no way of going back and changing the past. I recently told my mom about my abortion. I am now 19 years old. I wept and I felt so ashamed I couldn't even look at her . The way she reacted was not what I expected. She was calm and told me I know, I had a feeling you had an abortion. She said that there was no Shame in what I have done, thousands of women do it that I am not alone. It was for the best, it was for the right reasons. She told me that she loves me and that I'm not alone.
I sat in a room with approximately 8 other girls . Everyone was older than me , I was 15 when I had my abortion. We sat there and some of the girls started talking about their life's and why they decided to come here and get an abortion. The staff and doctor were supportive and kind. Everything happened so fast, they injected me with something and the doctor told me to look up and count to 10 then as I approached 5 I fell asleep. Hours later I woke up confused and scared. It was over and I felt relieved but guilty.
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The only people that new about the abortion was my at the time boyfriend and a couple of close friends. My boyfriend was super supportive when I told him that I was pregnant , i asked him what his thoughts were and his opinion. He told me regardless of what you decide I love you , and if you decide to keep this baby I will love it too. His words very comforting but I knew we weren't ready we were too young to be parents, we could barely take care of ourselves let alone a baby. My close friends were very supportive and they would give me a hug and tell me that everything is going to be alright .