Imgoingtobeokay

Share your story

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 Индия

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Bagaimana reaksi orang lain terhadap pengguguran anda?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Aline Santos

Momento de confusão e angústia em minha vida. Mais após muita reflexão vi que…

Ella

I was so scared but it was right and I know deep in my heart now.

Kiara

Lo hice por amor al bebé, no me merecía como mamá.

Dominika

Miałam aborcję, udało się i nie żałuję.

Marcela

Es más una historia de amor, que de un aborto pero posiblemente en algo te…

Sara

Siedziałam przed psychiatrą, opowiadając jej wydarzenia sprzed ostatnich…

Gabriela

Abortei aos 17 anos.

Amazomas

Yo aborte el día 10 de noviembre del 2015 dos días antes me había enterado de…

Raqueli

misto de melancolia e alívio

Sofia Ignatius

I had abortion n all went well

NICOL

No tenia mas opciones

Fer

100% segura

sogoodtobebad stassia

Dziewczyny ! nie bójcie się ! nie taki diabeł straszny jak go malują. Jeżeli…

Mónica

Aborté por motivos de edad (demasiado joven)y económicos (era estudiante y no…

Carolina

Tenía 19 años. Estaba en una relación. Al mes de ponernos de novios me contó…

Dani

Because I NEEDED TO DO IT!
Some may say I was selfish, other may say I'm going…

Miriam

The 10 weeks I was pregnant were the happiest weeks of my life. My husband