Ivana
I had an abortion and never talked about it with anyone
2002 United States (né/e en Mexico)
I am surprised at how long I have carried these feelings with me. In part I think it's because I never grieved properly, was in denial and threw myself into intense activity, working and studying as if my life depended on it. I also never really got to talk about it because of shame or not wanting to make people feel uncomfortable. I am just starting to realize that I need to do the grieving process properly in order to be able to heal. I don't feel guilty though, and I know it was the right decision. If anything I just wish I had taken better care of my emotions and made sure I had some support. I'm glad to have realized this now and started my healing process.
I tried first with herbs, a very intense schedule drinking infusions every 4 hours, even through the night, for 2 weeks. I had cramping and other reactions, but was unsuccessful. So I decided to go to a clinic. By then I was 6 weeks pregnant.
I felt like I had no support in the world and didn't feel capable of being a parent on my own and give a child a good life. I didn't want to carry a baby to term and give it away in adoption because I thought that would be even more painful.
L'illégalité de votre avortement a-t-elle affecté vos sentiments ?
Abortion in Mexico was illegal back then, not sure how it is now. But the illegality definitely made me feel scared. I decided to travel to the US in order to not have to deal with any of the back street horror stories you hear about.
Comment les autres personnes ont-elles réagi à votre avortement ?
My boyfriend at the time wanted us to never tell anyone, so I didn't. But this in time made it more painful. I am still afraid of people's reactions.