Imgoingtobeokay

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It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 Inde

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Comment les autres personnes ont-elles réagi à votre avortement ?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Jennifer

Sin duda ha sido la decisión más difícil que he tomado en lo que llevo de vida

D.G

Aborto Simples e tranquilo com Cytotec

Contra o aborto até precisar dele

aileen

I have had two abortions

Bárbara

Fiz o procedimento ontem e quero contar com riqueza de detalhes , por isso…

Chelsea

I had a painful abortion

Aleja12-09

Por siempre y para siempre en mi mente.

Cristina

No fue bueno pero fue lo mejor.

María

Jamás sabré si fue la mejor decisión, jamás lo podré conocer, pero en este…

Nthati

It was a difficult but necessary choice to have made.

justin ..

NIGDY NIE MÓW NIGDY! ..kiedyś powiedziałam sobie, że aborcja nigdy nie będzie…

Daria

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Mariana

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S.M.J

Nunca imaginei que precisaria passar por isso

Beth

No estaba 10% segura pero lo hice,
Yo aborte.

Laura

Fiz um aborto com 21 anos, foi uma escolha que sempre lembrarei e que modificou…