Imgoingtobeokay

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It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 Inde

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

Comment les autres personnes ont-elles réagi à votre avortement ?

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

CINTIA

Yo aborté y no me arrepiento de ello.

Myla .

e quero compartilhar minha experiência

PatoPato Quire

Yo decidí por su libertad.

Lise

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Lucy Smith

It was never going to be easy

Abril

Por un aborto libre, seguro y gratuito.

Lily

I had a medical abortion (the pill) with BPAS when I was just shy of 8 weeks.

Lucie

I had more than one abortions. I made the choices because I care about the…

Sand

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María

Jamás sabré si fue la mejor decisión, jamás lo podré conocer, pero en este…

Flor de Luna

Piloto automático, pero no me arrepiento

Han

Don’t confuse ‘what ifs’ with regret.

ech echhhhhh

Aborcji dokonałam całkiem niedawno, ledwo miesiąc temu. Mam 19 lat i mieszkam w…

CJ Koivuniemi

I had an abortion. I was twenty years old and living in Ireland, a country…

Ary

Yo he abortado 4 veces.

Brun

Sentimento de alívio e culpa