Imgoingtobeokay

Condividi la tua storia

It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 India

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

واکنش دیگران نسبت به سقط جنین شما چیست؟

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Carol

I woke up in bed, and thought this is a new beginning for him and I. I could…

XHTarv

Too selfish, and ok with that for now.

Lorelai

Basically I found out two weeks ago that I was pregnant, to my shock and awe…

Bruna

Se fosse legalizado, sofreria menos. Seria diferente

Evelyn

I discovered I was pregnant. It was about 5 weeks and 4 days old. I did an…

Johanna P.

Era lo que tenia que hacer

Sara

Siedziałam przed psychiatrą, opowiadając jej wydarzenia sprzed ostatnich…

Liz Hoffman

Passando pra deixar meu relato, pois sei que vai ajudar muitas mulheres que…

Constanza

Bueno yo aborte por que no encontré otra salida...
A principios de diciembre del…

YoungWoman NotReadyNow SecretsAreComplicating

This website gave me the confidence that I could do it. It gave me all the…

Zoe

I had an abortion. It was a stressful time, I am glad it is all behind me. My…

aileen

I have had two abortions

Alejandra

Tomé una desición

Génesis

Hola. Esta es mi experiencia.
Tengo 17 años actualmente, no soy virgen pero…

Jennifer

At the age of 15 I was told that I would likely never be able to get pregnant…

Freedom77

I was lucky enough to be able to have an NHS surgical termination at 8 weeks.

Sarah Menezes

Abortamento