Imgoingtobeokay

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It's 2:25AM as I write this. I had two pills of misoprostol at 11PM. Been surfing the web since then. I've asked Google every question there is. Read every discussion board. Cried. And stopped. Surfed the web some more. And cried again.
My best friend sleeps next to me. We have an exam tomorrow. She's Snoring. I've never been more envious of her. My boyfriend, is in a different time zone. He keeps saying "chill out, the pills are not magic. Just wait."
I couldn't cry quietly anymore. So I came into the bathroom. Afraid to take my panties off, just to be disappointed for the millionth time tonight. Sat on the pot. Pants on. Cried some more. I love him. I say to myself. I will have his babies some day. Just not today. And it's okay. I say repeatedly. In between prayers I send up to God to let it be okay. "It's okay."
And then come those thoughts that are there even if you're thinking something else. Or laughing. Or studying. Or humming a song just so you wouldn't think. "What if I won't be okay! Ectopic! Surgery! Side effects! Still no bleeding! Why do I feel so alone?
And suddenly, I need to pee. So I take my pants off and pee. Wait. I saw a blob. A red blob. Let me check. And there it is. The red blob. And the tears. The stress, the relief, the grief all together. All at once. Tears. Blood. Pee. And all I can hear through my silent wails are "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I don't know who I'm apologising to. To God? Because some say what I just did is against his will? To my mother? Because this is the only secret I will ever keep from her? To my boyfriend? The love of my life? For putting him through this? For making him feel like there's nothing he can do to make this better? To my best friend? For making her sit in the clinic for hours as I chugged down litre and after litre of water for the ultrasound?
No. Just me. I'm sorry. For putting myself through this. For 3 weeks of those horrible thoughts, those sleepless nights those countless google searches. I'm sorry. Never again.
I've never been so happy to see that red blob.
I'm going to be okay.

2015 الهند

I've said it all.

It worked. That's all I care about.

كيف كان رد فعل الآخرين على الإجهاض؟

Whoever I told was supportive to be the best of their capacity.

Cacau

O aborto é uma escolha apenas da MULHER.

katrina nicole

the only time i look back is to say thank god

BC

Depois de algum tempo lendo os depoimentos por aqui, decidi deixar também o meu.

Ary

Yo he abortado 4 veces.

Gaby

Força, tudo que precisa!

Maria

Sou dona de mim.

Bryann Turner

It was the right decision for me at this time.

anna dea

aku masih berumur 20thun aku mempunyai pacar usia nya di bawah ku 1 tahun aku…

Evelyn

I discovered I was pregnant. It was about 5 weeks and 4 days old. I did an…

M C

Fiz um aborto de aproximadamente 4 semanas e tomei o cytotec que o amigo da…

Laura

Fue la mejor decicion para todos pero eso no cambia que yo amaba a mi bebe

Frances

Feeling like myself again

Raquel Monterrey

I spoke with the spirit of my child before my abortion. That spirit who was…

Esmeralda Esmralda

Por que lo hice es quizas por que nobera mi momentl consideraba era muy pequeña…

Blue

The decision was easy, but the emotions were not.

The person who got me…

Jess

*No podía ser* 11sem

María

Mirar hacia adelante.

Miriam

The 10 weeks I was pregnant were the happiest weeks of my life. My husband

Beth

No estaba 10% segura pero lo hice,
Yo aborte.

Lucía

Mis 2 ángeles